March 20, 2025
Sue Donnellan Shares Secrets to Parenting on The Authors Alley with Dori DeCarlo on WoMRadio
Meet Sue Donnellan, a wife, mom of four, entrepreneur, author, once reluctant parent, and a reformed yeller. Her journey into parenthood was not one of immediate grace but of learning, unlearning, and real transformation.
Meet Sue Donnellan, a wife, mom of four, entrepreneur, author, once reluctant parent, and a reformed yeller. Her journey into parenthood was not one of immediate grace but of learning, unlearning, and real transformation.
Early on, Sue recognized that those with the most to learn often become the most impactful teachers. This realization fueled her two decades of dedicated work, during which she had the privilege of mentoring hundreds of exhausted parents across the globe.
Sue’s approach to parenting, rooted in both personal and professional growth, led her to author the book, Secrets to Parenting Without Giving a F^ck. This work encapsulates her philosophy that effective parenting doesn’t have to involve conflict and stress but can be an experience of learning and love. Building on this, Sue created the Fight Free Parenting™ Course, alongside a variety of resources aimed at nurturing happy, harmonious families. True success in parenting, for Sue, is measured not just during childhood — but in maintaining a joyful, respectful relationship with your children as they grow into adulthood.
Her mission is simple yet profound: to help parents and children enjoy being around each other, fostering connections that last a lifetime.
Join host Dori DeCarlo on The Authors Alley and Coaching Corner and connect with Sue at AskMomParenting.com and on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, Amazon and YouTube.
Please support UnsilencedVoices.org a global 501(c)3 nonprofit that empowers survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and human trafficking. We thank Smith Sisters and the Sunday Drivers for our theme song, "She is You".
Be sure to connect with us on BlueSky, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and come tell us your story!
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She is sure, she is sure, she is strong, she
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is true, is true, she is brave, she is she
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is you. She is you, she is she is sure,
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she is true, she is strong, she is straw, she
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is true, is true, she is brave, is bray, she
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is she is you.
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Hello, everyone, welcome to today's Word of Mom Radio. Here
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on the Word of Mom Media Network. I'm your host,
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Dory D Carlow, and you know we are here week
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after week, show after show, breaking those myths that morepreneurs
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and business women, especially those of us building our businesses
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from home, that we're just dabbling in between bake sales
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and getting our nails done.
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We're not.
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We are smart, we are savvy, and we are sharing
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the wisdom of women in business and in life. And
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I'm looking forward to bringing today's guest into both the
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parenting corner and our author's ali. As a mother who's
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balanced raising four kids, including triplets, with a full time
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business and a husband who's deployed to war five times,
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Sue Donellan fully understands the demands on parents to successfully
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manage a busy family life. The steep learning curve of
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going from one to four children almost instantly kickstarted. Sue's
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nevin for nurturing four unique individuals for no nonsense, judgment
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free parenting style created an environment of freedom, flexibility, and
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self initiated learning for her kids. After twenty five years
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in the trenches parenting four happy, prosperous people, there's much
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more to share that will make the entire process stress free,
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effective and fun. I have to say, I really enjoyed
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Sue's book and I'm really looking forward to sharing it.
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So with all that being said, Sue, welcome to Word
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of Mom Radio.
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Thank you, Dory. I really appreciate you having me.
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Oh it's my pleasure, and I would love for you to.
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Take us on your journey.
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And I love the picture of you. This is what
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being pregnant with triplets looks like. That was such a
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great picture in the book. But really, I would love
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for you to take us on that journey that finally
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led you to this book.
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Well, it started with marrying a guy who loves kids
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and wanted a family and wanted a big family, and
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me not really having a lot of exposure to children,
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not babysitting for money, not really being drawn to the
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motherhood space, but marrying a guy who wanted that, so
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I had one child for him. You know, we had
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our first born and he was negotiating for a second
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child and he wanted a third child. And I'm like, okay,
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I'll have another baby for you. This is the nicest
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thing I've ever done for anybody. I'll do this for you.
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You know, the universe had another idea in mind. They
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dropped a couple of eggs out of me and split
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one and I ended up with natural triplets. So our
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second baby turned into two, three, four, and we have
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identical boys and a girl. And then our older child
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is a son. So three boys and one girl. All boom,
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you know.
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At one time, Wow, I am a sister with three brothers.
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So ah, shere's to your daughter.
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Man. Yeah.
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Yeah, she's a tough one, for sure.
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She has to be.
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Yeah.
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So seriously though, so talk to us about your business life,
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and then again, what led you to create this book?
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Well, the business life is something you know. I was
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working from home and created my own business before it
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was popular after COVID, when.
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I knew I was marrying a guy in the military.
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I wanted to create a sales like a rep business
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that I could work from home and move around and
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carry it with me and not have to give up
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my education and my business acumen, you know, to be
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able to work with my husband who was going to
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be moving. I was balancing working a full time business
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where we did depend on my income, and then I
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worked from home and we had our first baby, and
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that all was something I had to learn to manage
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and balance and figure out how to splice my time.
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But once we had the four kids, you know, I
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still kept the business. It was something that was important
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to me, maintained for me, for myself, for our family,
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for finances, and that gave us the freedom to be
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able to go on trips. And it was also important
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for the kids to see that, you know, mom is
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busy working and go figure it out. They didn't have
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complete even though I was in the home, they didn't
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have complete access to me all the time to be
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able to solve their problems or you know, fulfill their
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needs or whatever. They had to know Mom when the
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door is shut or if I'm on the phone, mom's working.
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That was an important piece of being mom, I think,
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in a business owner. And as they got older, they
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understood the sacrifice I took to take my money from
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my savings and build a business and also kind of
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combine that with being a wife and a mom. But
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what brought me to the the book was that after
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having the four kids and being a type a person
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who runs her own business, you know, no experience with
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raising kids. I thought, well, when I tell the kids
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to do something, they do it. I had no clue
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of the nuances that it takes to raise raise children
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and motivate little people and go through all the phases,
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and so I kind of find myself yelling. You know.
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At that time, they were ages four and one and
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just yelling all the time, and my husband said, you know,
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you're yelling a lot, and I really felt justified in
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that yelling. I felt like, well, of course I'm yelling.
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You know, nobody's listening, and I've got a lot on
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my plate. And so when my oldest started acting out,
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we had them in a Montessori preschool, and the Montesssori
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school offered a class and the teachers thought, you do
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have quite a smart first born.
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He's very attuned to.
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Life, and he wants to test you, and he's got
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all the personality traits that make him successful someday, but
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make him a little difficult to parent. He and I
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were kind of butting heads. So I took the course,
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and again I felt completely justified in my yelling. My
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husband's deployed, I have four kids under four, I have
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a business, And the teacher just kind of looked at
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me and said, well, how's that yelling working for you?
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So at that moment, I was in receive mode. I
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went from external it's all abore me.
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I'm a victim to receiving, receiving new information, receiving how
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do I motivate these children? How do I use the
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innate psychology that I used. I have a real good
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skill set for psychology, which was helping me in sales.
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How do I take my natural skill set for reading
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people and for understanding how to motivate people in the
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sales world, and how do I apply that to my children,
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you know, understanding all their different personalities and so forth.
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So after I took this course, it's sort of generated
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in me. You know, it brought me in touch with
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what my innate skill which is people psychology, you know, behavior,
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And I went and I just did a deep dive
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onto psychology. I read about behavioral psychology, the monassory school
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is steeped into Edleirian psychology, and I read another book
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called Children the Challenge, and that just started my whole
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research into behavioral sciences for children and how to apply
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that to kind of get what I wanted, in other words,
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children who were behaving and children I didn't have to
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yell at.
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So through this process of.
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Understanding children's behavior phases, how to motivate children, how to
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create accountable kids who do things like packing their lunch,
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doing their laundry at five?
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How do I turn these children.
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Into little beings who know how to be in touch
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with their own intuitive skills and learn how to take
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care of themselves in a safe environment. How do I
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teach and train the kids about accountability and responsibility? And
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the Montessori school sort of opened my eyes to what's
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possible and what kids are willing and able to do
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with the right leadership. So as I learned all of
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those things, and my kids became older and I saw
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that it was working, and I did get feedback from
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other parents, like your kids, or how do you get
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your kids to mow the lawn and packing their lunches?
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And I started coaching other parents, and I started sharing
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and doing the workshops and what I was learning and
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how I was sort of experimenting with my own family.
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I started teaching other workshops and teaching other parents, and
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that started my coaching business on the side, because I
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still had my other main business. But by the time
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the kids got to be teenagers, that's when I really
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started formulating my idea of writing a book. And the
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reason for that was I started seeing other parents. As
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the kids became preteens. I noticed that parents were latching
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on to control and fear. And about the time I
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was letting go control and having faith in what I've
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trained and put into the kids and what we invested
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into the kids, into them as individuals. That was now
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starting to show. At thirteen fourteen, you know, they were
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showing responsibility. They were given a phone only tied to
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their sports, and it was tied to a reason and
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not just given. They didn't have gaming in the house.
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I didn't allow the Xbox. It could play it at
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their friend's house, but I didn't allow that whole culture
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in our home because gaming was real. That was dad's job, right.
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This isn't a game, it's dance a fighter pilot like
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this isn't part of a game.
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So anyway, those rules.
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And so forth, I was starting to kind of let
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go of control, will allow them to make their own
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decisions freedom within boundaries. I was still very much the leader.
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I still was the creator of the culture of the home,
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but they did have freedom to make their own choices
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within those boundaries. And I was noticing that all of
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the other kids, my kids' friends, and their parents were
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punishing and grounding into taking keys and restricting, and that
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was creating, you know, the restriction was creating a rebellion.
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And as I was seeing the teenagers unfold for us
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where we were in a very collaborative environment where I'm
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building that trust and that relationship of trust, where the
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kids were telling me everything things like curfew, Well, what
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do you think would be a good curfew? Okay, they're
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gonna start at two. I'm gonna start at ten. You know,
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we're gonna we're gonna treat this as a business. We're
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gonna come and meet in the middle to where I'm waning. Anyway,
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it's eleven o'clock. How about you earn you started at eleven,
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and you earn your time. You show me that you
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can get home at eleven and these were the types
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of things that we did in our home to build
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that baked in accountability. I felt like writing the book
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was something that was kind of calling to my soul's
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purpose because after all of the learning I needed to
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do to learn how to stop yelling and motivate four
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different individuals, I felt that it was something I could
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do to share with other parents to help save them
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on all the things that I had to learn.
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How can I put.
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This into a book and help any other parent that
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I can help so that they don't have to go
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through what I went through.
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So that's what led.
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Me to book.
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I have to say that I find it a very
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good book, and I like how you kind of broke
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it out into the parent's side of things, end of
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the adulting and looking at yourself and then looking at
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your kids, and and I like the end of the
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chapters having questions, having answers, your takeaways and things, because
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let's face it, when you have a child, they give
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you all this information about so much stuff that we
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don't take parenting classes. It's like that movie Parented where
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you know you have to have a license, have a dog,
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and drive all.
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Yeah, yeah, all.
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These things, but they just hand you a baby. It's like, yeah,
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good luck, don't forget to feed it.
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I really resonate with that.
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I remember getting our first baby, you know, leaving the
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hospital with our first son and just thinking, oh, my gosh,
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what a blank slate this kid is. He has that
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he needs me for every little decision, teaching and training
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and showing and investing our time and our wisdom.
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It's a daunting task that if.
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