Melissa Llarena Joins Dori DeCarlo on The Authors Alley

0:00 She is sure, she is sure, she is strong, she is true, is true, she is brave, she is she is you, is you? Is you? She is sure, she is true, she is strong, she is straw, She is true, is true, she is brave, is bray, she is she is you. Hello, everyone, welcome to today's Word of Mom Radio. Here on the Word of Mom Media Network. I'm your host, Dory d Carlo, and you know we are here week after week, show after show, breaking those myths that morepreneurs and business women, especially those of us building our businesses from home. You know that we're just dabbling in between bake sales and getting our nails done. We're not. We are smart, we are savvy, and we are sharing the wisdom of women in business and in life. And I'm looking forward to bringing today's guest in. You know, I love sharing fellow podcasters, but we're bringing her into the authors out. Melissa Lorena is an author, career coach, consultant, and speaker. She contributes to Forbes Women amassed seven million views.

1:12 She hosts the Mom Founder Imagination Hub podcast, featuring guests like Gary Vee and Beth Comstock for mom entrepreneurs with a psychology degree from NYU and an MBA from Dartmouth's TUP School, and a Transformational Coaching Academy certification. She's training as a meditation practitioner based in Austin, Texas with her husband and three sons. Melissa's here to share her journey and her book, Fertile Imagination, A Guide to Stretching every Mom's superpower for maximum Impact. And you can actually grab a free chapter of her book at Fertile Ideas dot com. But with all that being said, I want to bring Melissa in, so welcome to Word of Mom Radio.

1:56 Thank you, Dori, and I love that you had mentioned mediation because I feel like all moms are mediators. Secretly, we're like always, like always trying to mediate conversations between kids and the outside world. So I get why someone would want to become a practitioner in that topic. If you're a mom, if you're listening, you get it. But thank you for this opportunity, Dory. I'm excited. Oh, I'm excited to have you. And you know what, It's so funny. I listen to moms sometimes who've been full time moms. Oh, I've got to go back to work, but I don't really have any qualifications, and I just know it's like, are you kidding me? You have CEO qualifications.

2:37 You know how to time manage, scheduled budget, mediation, conflict resolution, all of these things that we do as moms that we don't realize how well it translates into the business world. It's amazing. I would love for you to take us on your journey and talk about how reawakening your imagination it's so important and how you can use it to that maximum impact. So share the journey, Melissa. Absolutely, Dori, So like, if anybody's going to actually be on my journey, just like put on a seatbelt, make sure that you know you are safely, safely fixed to some sort of solid object, because it was a very bumpy, bumpy road. I would say, you know, it really began as a little girl myself being raised by a single mom.

3:29 And here's something that I want to say that is more of an offering than anything else to you and to listeners, which is the following. So, my mom has a manic depression and the reason why I say that, and it's a mental illness. She was diagnosed this was like at least one hundred years ago, so it felt maybe I was two years old. So this was in the eighties when this topic of mental illness and mental health was not really talked about. The Reason why I say that and why it's important to this conversation and also to my book and who I am is because I witnessed in her, like the highs and the lows of her thinking. Right. So sometimes she would imagine herself to like, you know, go back to school and become a doctor and like do these like you know, wild things for a single parent who was at one point on welfare. Right. So I witnessed that, and I noticed how she wasn't able to like execute on those highs, right, And let's call those almost like droplets of her imagination. These were her ideas of the things that she wished for and her visions of her life. But I also notice, of course the lows, right, So the sadness, the inability to get up out of bed, and just inability to like be a mom, if I'm being honest about it. And what I got out of that witnessing as a person that you know, really obviously loves my mom, is that Wow, Okay, I myself with the gratitude that I have for my

5:00 mental health. I'm actually able to execute on these like wild outlandish ideas from my mind's eye. And so as a little girl, I would really, you know, as I was going to sleep, I would dream up these visions for my life. Right fun fact, I never thought anything beyond being forty for some reason, I would just be like, forty was the oldest age ever, which right now presents a new challenge because I'm going to be forty six. So it's like, oh my god, I have no idea where I'm going next. But at the time, I was like, Okay, I was living in New York and I was imagining myself living in London. I was like, oh, I'm going to be in London. It's like Sherlock Holmes. It's like London, FuG And then I also would you know, imagine myself at one point being in an ivy league education, all of this as I would put my head down on the pillow. Fast forward one hundred or so years, I became a mom and so my firstborn and anyone listening to this is going to get it, like, how often do have time to like fall asleep and sleep? Not much?

6:05 And so that's kind of what got me to that point of realizing that when I became a mom, I was no longer having those visions, those ideas, those moments of like calm where I would start thinking about what would excite me, what were my dreams and ideas. So what I ended up doing from that point and when I made that realization that I wasn't sleeping anymore, which is a very easy realization, I was like, Okay, something is missing because that idea, that dreaming bigger, that you know, inspiration I got from again being the child to my mom saying my mom and her you know big dreams that really like it would light me up, it would excite me. It propelled me forward and as a mom, anyone listening like, we need way more than another cup of coffee, although I'm always game for another cup of coffee and for us, And what I've noticed for myself is again like I needed to figure out how to reawaken my imagination. And that's why I wrote my book for imagination, and I broke it up into three steps because my belief is that we need to actually listen to the ideas in our head so that they feel seen, heard and valued, just like a little kid. Right, It's like if you ignore that kid, that kid's gonna then really do things to get your attention. But then at the same time, they might even well okay, maybe not my three children because I have three now, but they

7:35 might just like stop coming by, you know, asking to be seen and played with. Right, They're like, oh, Mommy's like not gonna play with me, so why bother? And So for me, step one was Okay, how do I reawaken my imagination because it was important to me because it was part of what lit up my spirit. It made me feel alive and happy like a Christmas tree. I don't know why, but that's just like my thing. I like feeling like a Christmas tree. And so I was like, all right, let me figure this out for myself and write it out in my book for imagination. So reawaken your imagination. For me, that was really about offering almost like and I just say, quote unquote, offering like a safe environment in which your imagination to feel like it could actually tap you on the shoulder and be like, hey, I have an idea and maybe Melissa or listener is actually going to listen to it. So reawakening your imagination is about limiting beliefs and making sure that you're opening yourself up to feeling empowered, making sure that you are getting like actual sleep, because again, for me, that was important to imagining these things and all of the sort of groundwork necessary to feel like, Okay, if your imagination gives you an idea, you'll actually listen to it.

8:53 You'll be self aware enough, courageous enough, you'll believe yourself creative. And that's reawakening the imagination. And the second out of the three steps is playing with your imagination. And Dori and I were just talking about that before we hit record. Right, it was like, okay, being that fun grandmother, being that fun mom, that fun and you know, and just like truly playing, like playing to a point where someone's looking at you and saying, Okay, that person forgot that they're like forty something and they think they're like seventeen or twelve or whatever. Right, it's funny. I was watching a Goldie Hawn video the other day, funny enough, and I associate her with like playing being so so silly, right, giggling and all of that. That is basically taking that idea from your imagination. Right, So we reawakened your imagination.

9:44 The imagination now says, Okay, this person is going to listen to my idea and then entertaining that idea, trying it on for size, you know, playing with it, juggling with it, saying like, oh, this is possible in my life. You know, maybe I open up a business, or or maybe I take my kid and you know, we go to this European country and they learn a language and practice it there. Playing with the idea, Right, that's the second part to getting to that moment where you're really using it like a superpower that every mom has. The third one is stretching your imagination. So the book is in three sections, right, reawaken play, stretching. The stretching part really requires that you open up and you tell another human being your idea, because that is what it's going to take to actually execute the idea to its maximum end point. And in this book, as a podcaster myself, what I decided to do was to capture some of the podcast conversations that I've been having throughout these years since twenty seventeen and really just kind of overlay how I interpreted what they told me on using their imagination.

10:56 But as a mom to now three little boys. So fun fact, I have identical twins too, and so for me it's been necessary, Like there's just no way, you know, that I could survive motherhood without thinking creatively about everything you can imagine and not imagine, from logistics to how I'm gonna, you know, keep up with my nursing commitment to my three boys at the time, to how I was going to keep my business afloat, you know, when I wasn't sleeping whatsoever at all. I mean, it's taken a heck of an imagination, and that's my that's my message for anyone listening. It's like, you actually can do something even though you feel like it's impossible. However, you're gonna have to have, you know, a little bit of help, and it comes from your imagination, which can be quite fertile, as the book suggests, because you're a mom and you've had to use it absolutely.

11:55 I like that you broke it into the three different phases of things, and that third phase of telling people about your dreams. I had a guess one time who said, you want a dream so big it makes other people laugh, And it's so true because and you know, as a podcaster, I'm sure you have listened to people talk themselves out of their dreams. It's amazing to me how somebody will say what they want to do and then explain why it's never gonna work. Yeah, And the funny part there is that oftentimes we do use our imagination, but we pointed in the wrong direction of negative thinking, talking ourselves out of it self sabotage.

12:41 So you're imagining a future that is not going to go according to plan or worse, you're imagining your kids, you know, falling off of like the jungle gym thingamajigs, right, You're imagining all these negative things, and so it's about changing the direction of the existing you know, capability that the human mind has, you know, being able to see things that are not yet like out there in reality and just kind of you know, pointing it to more like positive things. And as a coach, you know, maybe that's a little too extreme, So let's just get to like point of neutral, you know, start there. It's like, what can you actually believe? Because we cannot actually lie to ourselves necessarily. You know, I can't say yes, I am going to be six feet I am five feet flat.

13:32 And like, this is where we're at at this point in my life, and I'm not going to be a basketball player, so that would be a lie and I cannot believe it. But what I can believe is, well, if there's a hoop that is short, which in my kids' elementary school they have three different height sort of hoops, then chances are I'll be able to you know, slam dunk in that particular hoop because it is my size. So you know what I mean? Like, what can I believe? And let's just start there and then and little by little we practice just like a muscle on imagining, like a better outcome next time, an a better one, and a better one, so on and so forth. Think about what Melissa just said. We are going to take a quick break, say thank you to our sponsors, and we'll be back here in just a moment. On Word of Mom Radio. She is brave, she is bold, she is you, and we want to tell your story.

14:29 Are you ready to share your journey with us on Word of Mom Radio? Go to wordo momradio dot com and register as a guest. We want to tell your story because when you win, we all win. In twenty seventeen, Unsilenced Voices was formed to help survivors of domestic abuse and gender based violence worldwide. The organization currently serves Siri Leone, Rwanda, Ghana, and the USA. In twenty twenty two, Unsilenced Voices gifted over thirty three thousand dollars to survivors in the USA and in sire Leone. There are over twenty six young girls who have been rescued from sex trafficking and domestic abuse and now going through vocational training school in order to better their lives.

15:20 We need your help. Donations are critical in order for us to continue our work. We also need volunteers to help with research and development. Please visit Unsilenced Voices dot org for more information. And we're back here on Word of Mom Radio. We are talking with Melissa Loreta about her book and most importantly about our imagination, because it's amazing to me how thoughts are things. And you know, when we're young, we imagine everything. Was going to be an astronaut, who's going to be a ballerina, all of the different things that there are no limitations to what they can do. When they put on that cape, they are that superhero. My grandson thinks he has Jedi mind powers. And so we were driving and he's like, Mimi, I'm going to accelerate the car. So getting on the highway and he's doing the mind power and to him, it was working to feel the car. I stepped on the gas. You know, am I gonna tell him Dan, this is not your imagination, Danny, this is how the car works. No, of course he has Jedi mind powers. I said, you know, we're going to a very busy place. You need to Jedi mindpower us a parking space. Do you know there was one two steps from where we had to go. There were

16:51 hundreds of people. There was that parking space right there. And I said to him, those were your Jedi mind powers. Want to reinforce that in our kids, and you know what, we need to reinforce it in ourselves. We need to remind ourselves that there is nothing we can't do if we really set our mind to it. I mean, okay, am I going to be an astronaut? No? Can I live by watching that? Sure? But you know the realistic expectations of our parenting, our personhood, our friendships, our business relationships, all of that. These are the things that it's our imagination that makes it happen in the first place. So for you, what inspired you? What imagination happened for you to write this book? You know, not for nothing during a pandemic, three kids, you're relocated from Australia.

17:50 Shouldn't we write a book talk about imagination? Melissa? So take us there. I mean, you know, I really needed something that was like a stronger pull to complete this book and put my thoughts on paper in public for the world to read and judge. Then just saying and taking off like a bucket list item, I'm going to write a book. I needed something way bigger. And you know, here's here's something that I think a lot of moms might not realize, but we actually have an advantage often times when it comes to the use of our imaginations because we are living with imagination residents in like experts. Our kids are like, oh my goodness, imagination expertise for sure. So what does that mean? I was inspired by my identical twins. So the twins were at a monassory school in Australia. Yes, it was a pandemic. Yes there were school closures for like one hundred and something days, two times at a piece, and yes, I was homeschooling in all of that and glorious stuff. So I noticed that the twins did this Egyptian artwork, like they took basically their own images, so a photograph of themselves, and they created themselves as if they were these like Egyptian like princes and kings. So they took out the artwork and they created these like

19:22 side portraits of themselves with the Egyptian tone to it. So, of course, being as open minded as I am, when I saw that, for some reason, it kind of just like planted this idea in my mind. I was like, you know what, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to write my book, Fertile Imagination, and then as a family trip, we're going to go to Egypt, and I'm going to even if it was not authorized technically, I'm going to take my book to the library in Alexandria, Egypt, one of the worlds first biggest libraries. Yes, it has burned since the original, but it's like this like epic library in Egypt, right the cradle of the world, et cetera.

20:11 And that vision of me taking my book and putting it into a bookshelf in Egypt in that marvelous library that I've read about in textbooks as a little girl. That is what's going to keep me excited about this. That is what's going to keep me motivated, because I'm not one to say something that is that wacky and then say, oh, psych, I was just like, you know, playing around with the idea. I'm very like committed to these like big grandiose ideas. And I use that word grandiose on purpose. Again, if we go back to my mom manic depression, that is a symptom of someone that has manic depression like grandiose ideas. However, however, I again have that gratitude that I'm actually able to execute on some of these like really wacky ideas. So that is what kept me super super excited. And if you notice, and anyone listening here, like if you have someone in your myths in your home who is pretending to be a Jedi person right to your point dory or pretending to be, you know whatever, some sort of wrestler. I'm just thinking a lot of things that my kids have done.

21:25 Through the years. You know, what's not to say that their goodness and their inspired thinking cannot rub off on you. Mom. Isn't it often the case that we feel like we are learning from our kids right and growing based on what our kids are teaching us on this planet. Which for that idea of the Egyptian idea, the library idea, that's what got me through those moments when literally when we were relocating from Australia back to the United States. That is what got me through the moments when and I didn't have a desk because I sold it in order to move right. So I was literally at one point on my knees with my laptop on my bed typing out chapters when I got back to the United States.

22:14 I remember my kids they do jiu jitsu, Brazilian jiu jitsu. I was outside looking at my kids do like, you know, arm bars and what have you, and typing updates to the chapter that I had, you know, interviewed this person, entrepreneur David Meltzer. I remember typing on that sunken sofa watching my kids do arm bars, and that vision is what really kept me going. Now did I execute on that vision? Well, here's the truth of the matter. You know, it's a bit of a hotbed right now, that territory, and it's you know, entire geographic vicinity. So I didn't actually execute on that yet yet, right, so it's still something that I intend to do. Fun fact, I finished the book. So the vision was quite compelling, and it was also exciting for me to tell people that vision because people were looking at me like I had eight heads. However, based on my history of executing on my ambitions, they also were like, oh, I think Melissa is actually gonna do this, and I think it inspires other moms. It's like when I have a friend, for example, who does marathons, and she's been to Berlin and done Marathon New York, like so many marathons, and it's like inspiring to see a mom do a marathon more than it has been to see someone you know that is not a mom or maybe has different life experiences than myself. And so again,

23:46 to maximize your superpowerful imagination, you can tell other moms and it's just so much more legit. It's so much more like, oh wait a minute, if that person could do it with three kids in that circumstance, then I can do it too, you know. So that for me was what pulled me like super wacky thing. I still have those Egyptian artwork pieces because they were inspiring and it's still my plan. I want to go to the library of Alexandria and I want to actually put my book on a bookshelf. I love that, and I think it's really important that no matter how old we get, that we imagine unimaginable.

24:29 I mean, really, to say to somebody, I am going to bring my book and get it to the library and Alexandria in Egypt. When you were twelve and you say that, people are like, oh, that's a great idea. When you're in your forties or your fifties or your sixties say, the people are like, oh, really know, seriously, I am saying, good for you, Melissa, good for you. Please let me know when you make your trip to Egypt, because I know you will. I think that it is so important and it is funny because again, so often we think our friends are going to be our biggest champions, and very often our friends are the ones who look at our dreams and go, really, are you serious and you're crazy. You can't do this, you can't do that.

25:18 It's amazing, it really is, and you know, it's part of that entrepreneurial spirit. It's what draws entrepreneurs to not be an employee. You have to believe, you have to have that vision. You have to be because you know, let's face it, I say this to people all the time. You know, they'll start a business and it didn't take off. So now they close this they start something else. It's like, look, you need to give your time, you need to let the seeds plant and stuff like that, and their attitude, Yeah, but I need to make money right now. Then I'm like, we get a job, get a job, and then do this on the side until you build it up. But if you keep changing what we're doing, and you're never gonna gain any traction in what you have. So it's a funny thing, the imagination, because they're so you know, I was thinking back to what you were saying, you know, with the mom brain. You know, the big wheel, Remember that toy. Dad would watch the kid coming down the street.

26:22 Look how fast they're going. Mom's imagination. You're like Gallagher, the bike's gonna trip, it's gonna flip over your kids, kid's gonna split open like a watermelon. It's the mom because you know, on the flip side though, you want to tell them good, you're doing great, good good good good good. But yeah we are mom brain definitely works its phone way it does. But that is why, And I like just the whole title of it, the guide for stretching every mom's superpower for maximum impact, because us we wouldn't be moms if we didn't have any imagination.

27:05 We fairly wouldn't. Because it's not a stagnant thing. It has to continue to germinate and grow. So as we're wrapping up, Melissa, how can our listeners learn more about you and your book and what do you want to leave them with? Absolutely, so just head on over to my podcast since you're already listening to this podcast, and go ahead to the mom Founder Imagination Hub everywhere that this podcast will be most likely so iTunes, Spotify, et cetera. Hip follow so that this way you can learn from exactly some of the people that I featured in my book for imagination. Like, that's a great place to start. The second thing I would say is go to Fertile ideas dot com. You can grab a copy of one of my favorite chapters.

27:58 It comes from the section where we play with our imagination and it features me making a fool out of myself, just kidding a different but I was telling a story in that section, in that chapter, that free one that you can get right on that website where I put myself out there and I'm telling a story from back in the day before I had kids in Paris, eating baguettes and chocolate and conta cheese. Not that those are my favorite, but they are still my favorite. So you will enjoy that chapter. It's totally free. You could purchase the book on Amazon or anywhere, honestly and definitely, you know, if you have any questions, absolutely reach out to me. I would say LinkedIn. I know it sounds so boring LinkedIn, but that's where I'm doing most of my work these days.

28:40 As a coach. I really love supporting working moms, for example, who are looking to get back into the workforce without skipping a beat, right without you know, being left back or feeling like you missed out or you're not relevant. So be sure to find me on LinkedIn. Melissa Lorena, Let's connect. I will accept you say that you're coming right from Doria podcast, and I will absolutely accept the connection. So yeah, the message that I leave for all who are listening is the following, you absolutely can solve the challenges that are ahead of you. And while you might not feel like you have all the answers in the moment, if you really do your very best to just you know, give the ideas that you have in your mind during those silent moments a chance to breathe and just inspire you.

29:29 You know, whether it's through sleep or exercise, or just being open to the idea that you might have a viable solution. In your mind. Do it, Just do it, Just take that first step and just you know, in that moment of stillness, listen to yourself, because chances are there's an idea germinating inside that can actually flourish and solve that one challenge that you're facing today. So there's hope. Awesome. What a great way to end this conversation, Melissa. I thank you so much for taking the time to share your book, your podcast, and most importantly that phenomenal imagination that you have and the encouragement, because there's nothing better.

30:13 Thoughts are things, and everything you tell yourself you can do, you can. It's the little red engine, that simple little book you talked about, you know, kids books at the beginning, that simple little book. I think I can, I think I can. I think I can. It's really true. Henry Ford said it. Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. So absolutely, you do this. You've got this. So Melissa, all of her links are going to be live. I encourage you to go to our podcast, listen to some of these great guests, and get the book. It's a really fun read, it really is, and wonderful examples of each one of the guests that she has had on our show and things like that, and the messages that they're sharing. So again, all the links are going to be live, and I just thank you very much for being here.

31:02 Melissa, thank you so much. Thank you, Dorry, thank you everyone listening. Hope to connect with you all. Me too, and for all of you tuning in, thanks so much for being here. We're going to close out with our fabulous theme song from Smith's Sisters and the Sunday Drivers. So till next time, This is Dory de Carlow saying, go out and create a marvelous view. Bye for now. She is sure, she is sure, she is strong. She is strong, she is true, she is true, she is Braise Bray, She is she is you. She is you, she is you. She she is sure, she is sure, she is strong, she is strong, she is true, she is true, she is braise bray, she is bo is you.

31:50 She is you, she is you, she is you. Sure of herself. Yes, she takes care of his powerful and strong. Yes, she knows who she is has intiger any woman strong and true. You know where by name? See this woman is you. She is sure, she is strong, is strong, she is true, is true, she is brave, she is she is you, she is you, she is she is sure, she is strong, is strong, she is true, is true, she is brave, she is she is she is you, she is you. She is adds value and hope. Has proved to be brave. See it's never too late, never time to behave Reaching for dreams doesn't matter. The age believes in herself, unleash from her cage. She is sure, she is sure, she is strong, is strong, she is true, is true, she is brave, she is bold, she is you, she is she is she is sure, she is she is strong, she is strong, she is It's true, is true, she is brave, is brave, she is she is you.

33:08 Yeah, I