Marianne Hickman on The Mompreneur Model with Dori DeCarlo

0:00 She is sure, she is true, she is straw is strong, she is true, is true, she is Braise Bray, she is she is you. Hello, everyone, Welcome to today's Word of Mom Radio. Here on the Word of Mom Media Network. I'm your host, Dori Di Carlo. And you know we are here week after week, show after show, breaking those myths that morepreneurs and business women, especially those of us building our businesses from home, that we're just dabbling in between bake sales and getting our nails done. We're not. We are smart, we are savvy, and we are sharing the wisdom of women in business and in life. And you know, I love bringing fellow podcasters in and I'm looking forward to sharing.

0:44 Today's guest, mary Anne Hickman is an international public speaker and personal speaking mentor who specializes in inspiring business owners and coaches to monetize their message through appearing on stage. Marianne has been featured in over twenty four hundred worldwide stages focusing on enriching and cultivating the development of your story, message and revenue. Her life's motto is to make good people crazy wealthy. Marianne's a single mother who brought her family from food stamps to a multiple six figure income. She's married to her best friend, Richard Hickman, and together they are raising six children and still in the thick of it.

1:31 So that's done, right. I know right. Welcome to Word of Mom Radio. Marianne Dory, thank you for having me. I'm so excited for the women that are listening to this episode. I'm excited for what you're building. And if there's nothing else that you leave at this episode with, I want you to know that there are women like us out there cheering with you. Absolutely. You know. It's so funny. It's why I began Word of Mom Radio, so women like us building our businesses, raising our families. I was a single mom as well, and we needed to know that we're not alone. Because I don't know about you. I personally think women we're our worst enemy because so many women fall into that high school mentality of oh, I can't help you, what if you steal my boyfriend? I like you more than they like me. Well, let's face it, guys, Charlie doesn't care if you golf with Joe as long as you're giving him your business.

2:25 They're not worried that you're going to like them more, and I do. I kind of think that that is why women have such a hard time promoting each other. And again why I started this show we're in our thirteenth season now, to give women a voice, because together we are so much stronger. So I would love for you to take us on your journey that has led you from being a public speaker to now teaching people how to do this. Well. It's interesting. I didn't think public speaking could be a career for the longest time. I have to give a tip of the hat to my seventh grade teacher, Missus Wilson, and gosh, I hope she's still around. I hope she's still I hope to reconnect with her one day because I owe her so much, and I owe so much to my mother, who always believed in me. When Missus Wilson and I were in school together, she encouraged me to join drama, which I did I loved it. And she also enjoy encouraged me to join choir in which I did and I loved it. And she always also encouraged me to join a speaking competition. And the thought of that it was so odd to me because I grew up in a house with lots of kids that were ten of us, and so I thought speaking competition meant argument, and I was like, why would you why would you want me.

3:42 To do this? And so I did, and she she put me on that stage, she put me in front of a podium, and I wrote a speech. Now, I come from a background of a church who puts three to five year olds on stage. So when I've been speaking in front of groups of my peers and grown ups ever since I was little, little bitty, and my mom was helping me write these talks, and then it evolved and I feel like, oh my gosh, I feel if I could go back to myself at that age, I would say, Marianne, pay attention, pay attention to what's happening, Pay attention to what you're doing, because not only can this be a career, which was one of my primary desires as I became a young adult, is how do I create a career, how do I provide my family? But it can also more importantly change and save lives. I'll never forget the event that I was speaking out and I was in front of it. There were probably I think about five hundred people in the room and in the crowd. I saw this young man, he was probably fourteen fifteen, and when I was doing the exercise that was supposed to do, I had one of the audience members come up as a volunteer, and they didn't know what they were volunteering for, but I asked them to raise their hand. I come up to the front if they were willing to do an experiment with me. And this, I always look for the people in the audience who raise their hands slowly and late because they are willing but scared, and that makes the best person. If they raise their hand too fast,

5:13 that's a spotlight person. If they're in it for them for the spotlight and for the limelight, not interested in that. I'm not gonna also volunteld people who don't raise their hand. And I'm sure as heck not gonna pick the person who the person next to them raised their hand for them. That's unwilling. We don't want to do that. So I called on this boy and I had him come up and I was doing a demonstration for the audience. This is an icebreaker that I do at events to get the audience to not be so stiff and siloed in their own experience. I want them to break down the walls and interact with each other. So I called this boy up and I said, I want to demonstrate to you this exercise, this game we're about to play, we're about to do. And I looked at this boy, and I looked at his eyes, and I said, the greatness I see in you. And then I proceeded to see I've never met him before. I said, told him, the greatness I see in you is this. And I just went with my gut and I went with my intuition, and then I had to go off stage. And then I had okay, audience, it's your turn.

6:08 Go. Three months later, this mother came up to me and I'll never forget this. This mother came up to me and she said, Hi, you don't know me, but three months ago, you pulled my son out of the audience and onto the stage. And what we later found out was that he had a very specific note written that night, and if you're reading between the lines, you know exactly what I'm talking about. He had exit plans from the planet and he didn't carry them through. And when she introduced me to him again, his light was different, his energy was different. He was smiling more. His appearance was different. You could tell the self loathing had taken a few steps back, and so that moment really solidified it for me.

6:56 It really meant that we never know who we're inspiring, we never know who we're blessing, we never know whose lives were changing. We do know that hurt people, hurt people, and we do know that helped people, help people, healed people, healed people, And so it became less of a career pursuit and more of a responsibility, like Victor Frankel says, or we have a responsibility with liberty. We have a responsibility to first raise ourselves up, pull ourselves out of it, and then reach down our hand and lift another. And I reflect on that day often every time we're in a microphone setting like this, every time in a microphone setting in front of other people, and every time I'm around my own kids, I think about that, and I think about what can be said that is kind and helpful and positive and inspiring that can lift somebody out of a dark place. May maybe they were almost at the point of no return, and we can change that by the words we say.

7:57 I so agree with you. You know, my brother tease me. My little brother Frank says, you know, your day is never complete if you don't take a picture of a stranger. And I am that person. I will always see somebody. It's like, would you like me to take a picture of all of you? Or I'll be walking and somebody will say, hey, would you take a picture of us? I'll see somebody, and especially an older person dressed, and I will absolutely compliment them. And my brother, what is your problem saying, hey, you know what it is to get up and get dressed and put on your makeup. You're a guy. You throw on a T shirt, a Parry jeans and a baseball cap and you're out the door. And somebody, especially that age who has taking the time to do her makeup and her hair and her nails, why not tell her how good she looks?

8:46 You know? Why not compliment somebody? You don't know what their day is, and you don't know if that compliment that one person taking notice. Just like you said, you just never know. And it's amazing. It's the oh no, of that really is. I saw this quote and it's been living. I gotta put it on a T shirt or something. It says, be a little kinder than necessary. And that hit me like a ton of bricks. It's not necessary to be kind. It's an extra step we take, and it it what it does. There's a law in physics. I'm a huge nerd, So there's a law in physics called the law of entropy, which basically means, without work, the state of energy, the state of matter, will fall, will degrade, will deteriorate with If a tree isn't doing work, it will fall down and disassemble. It requires work for the photosynthesis to occur.

9:41 It requires work for the water to be brought up to the tree, and that's what sustains life. And without work, it will deteriorate. Without work, your marriage will deteriorate without work, Your relationship with your children will deteriorate. Without work, your business deteriorates, it falls apart. We have to be constantly without work. The laundry never gets done. It just that's the law the universe. And when we say be a little kinder than necessary, that's the effort, that's the energy, that's the quote unquote work. It doesn't feel like work. That's what we imbue into the stranger or the friend or the family member. Next to us to be a positive deposit for them. It may put water in their cup that was never there, and it may it may just make their cup overflow, so that their cup of love and happiness is flowing over so much that they'd love the next person because they can't hold it back anymore, they can't contain it anymore. That's the beauty.

10:34 It's so amazing to me because as parents, it's our responsibility to teach our children the different little things and actions speak louder than words. They watch so much more than they listen. And remember my children's dad, like my kids would say, actually said, you know, mom never does anything that doesn't make her happy, and wow. Children's dad looked at them and goes, well, how can you tell she's always happy? And they were like, well, that kind of frees the point, you know, and it's true. I anything I do, I'm going to go for it. Cleaning the house, you know. I used to joke menial mom mondays when I you know, when my kids were growing up, because on the weekends, that wasn't my day to be able to go food shopping and stuff like that. I had baseball games, I had practiced, you know, three kids to show for all over the place. So and it's so funny because now that my kids are grown and gone, I'm a meani now menial mom. I translated that into word of Mom radio. This is my recording day and I will record anywhere between four and sometimes eight episodes on a Monday. I just go from morning tonight and that's my Mondays, and then the rest of the week I parcel out as I do. And it's the joy of being older.

11:57 Now. I don't have the nine to five have obligation. I don't have a family to raise. I'm not in this thick. I'm in the joyful part of it now. Yeah, let me rearrange things so I can take my grandkids to the park. Yeah, you know, I'm excited for that. I got to tell you, I'm grateful to be where I am and I look forward to that. Nobody prepares you for how much you love your grandkids. But you know, so funny because even in this let's talk about the balance illusion, Oh thank you talk about the balance in your life. I'm like, trust me, it's a juggling act. There's no balance involved. You're kidding me. Now. One of my good friends, Trina she's a founder of a company called tech Moms, and she wrote a book that I was like, it's like you read my mind.

12:44 It's like you like pensived with the magic wand all of these thoughts, and thank you for writing this book so I don't have to and this whole idea of balance. Here's why balance is a myth, and here's why if you chase it, you'll never be satisfied. Balance means that everything weighs the same all the time, and it doesn't. It changes, it evolves, it expands and contracts. Last night, for example, I had a conversation with my daughter. Now she's nineteen, she's a grown up. She still lives at home, totally prime. But we had a tough conversation last night and it went late into the night, It went for an hour that at that moment, my daughter and me, we had a relationship need. That was the biggest thing on my plate. That was the most important thing on my plate. It wasn't time for sleep, It wasn't time to have pillow talk with my husband. It wasn't time for business stuff. It was time for me to have a relationship talk with my daughter. That was the most important thing so I eschew the thought of balance because it is so impossible. What instead I have adopted is the word harmony. And this is something that goes in my life mission. This is what I chase. All of us have listened to music. We know music, we know music we love, we know music we dislike. And that's to your point, Dory, like you're probably only living in music that you like and music that you enjoy. We don't listen to music we don't like necessarily most of the time. If we're playing music. If you've ever played

14:16 an instrument, or ever been to a symphony, and some note gets wrong, or the tempo gets misplaced, or the wrong instruments are playing at the wrong time, we notice and we're like, ooh, ooh, I'm not gonna do that. Or if the microphone screeches into the speakers, we don't like, ooh, it's out of harmony. It makes us cringe, it makes us do that. So when I say harmony, here's what I'm thinking. I'm the conductor of this symphony. I get to pick the music of this symphony. I get to pick the score and maybe even get to write my own music. And I'm standing in front of a hundred multi hundred piece orchestra. I've got a piano over here, I've got the obos over there, I've got the violins over here. I've got the drums over there. And last night it was time for a guitar solo. That was my daughter. In my time, the drums were quiet, the symbols weren't crashing, the piano was silent. Everyone was just waiting because that part of the music said, it's a drum solo right now, or a guitar solo right now.

15:17 Nothing else gets to play. And then when I went to bed, the music, I put my baton down and it was time for a rest. And then this morning, right now, this here, my kids are all taken care of. They're good. I give them hugs and kisses out the doors. Some of them went to school, some of them went to work, and some of them are still sleeping. They're good. Those instruments are resting right now, this moment with you, this moment with people that are listening, This is the piece of music that's playing right now, and in a few minutes that will take a rest and then breakfast will play. So it's part of the music. It's all part of the music. And my mission statement, my personal mission statement, is that I live in the joy of my music. I live in the joy of my harmony, and when something isn't part of the harmony, then I get rid of that. Now, that's not to say that that aren't difficult parts. You and I both know music scores that have tension, that build, and there's music that is sad sometimes, and there's music that is mournful sometimes, and there's music that is tense sometimes, and that's part of the music that makes it not boring. The reason that we love Hans Zimmer so much is that he's able to compose this music. If you and if you don't know who Hans Zimmer is, you probably do and you don't know it because he's composed the musical scores for all of the movies that you love, and he writes music with mourning, with tension, with celebration. This piece

16:49 of music, if you've ever watched How to Train Your Dragon, it's a big movie right now. That flight music when it builds and I get goosebumps just thinking about it, and then he finally locks in his prosthetic foot and he's able to fly with toothless. It just soars after all of this tension. So that's part of it. It's not that we're meant to eliminate tension and fear from our lives. It's leverage. It's leverage for the climax of the piece of music that you're listening to or that you're conducting. I love that. And on that note, we're going to take a short break so we can say thank you to our supporters and we'll be back here in just a moment. On Word of Mom Radio. She is brave, she is bold, she is you, and we want to tell your story. Are you ready to share your journey with us on Word of Mom Radio?

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18:25 We need your help. Donations are critical in order for us to continue our work. We also need volunteers to help with research and development. Please visit Unsilenced Voices dot org for more information. And we're back here on Word of Mom Radio. We are speaking with Marianne Hickman, and I love what you said about harmon, I really do. And what a marvelous way to counteract trying to find quote unquote balance, because you're right, it gives equal weight to everything, and everything in life does not have equal weight. But the harmony is what matters. And it's so funny. I just read this article about the movie's Psycho and how Alfred Hitchcock got it snuck past the sensors. Was not having the music playing during the shower scene because that shower scene.

19:25 What yeah, getting it past the sensors because if you remember the shower scene, you see a knife. It was actually Hershey's chocolate syrup is what they used for the blood because it Nick mimicked it well enough because it was black and white it was the sound of a knife going into a Melon's where the sound that you heard, but without the orchestration that did it got past the sensors, no kidding. Then they added the music after Sneaky Little Bugger. Yeah, you know what Alfred Hitchcock really, I mean, think about it. They actually created a word, you know, hitchcocky and thrillers.

20:07 That man changed the genre of filmmaking and how to do it. But that music is everything. So I'm a performer, so I so relate to the harmony element and you know what, you are going to have dissonance, you are going to have tension. Those strings are going to vibrate at different times. But ultimately it is the music that we orchestrate for our lives that moves us along. I'm going to go back mom to mom, six kids, how are you integrating your kids with your business? You know, someone gave me this, and I have to I wish I could remember who it was because I owe them some gratitude, But they gave me this one question that really it took the tension. It resolved the ten of business versus motherhood because I wasn't always good at it. We always say how did you get good at something by being really bad at it at first.

21:09 So someone gave me this question, and I hope it's a gift for someone who's listening. It's the question of going to your kids and saying, how would you like to help with the family business? What would you like to do? And I go to my daughter and say how would you like to help? And it took her a second because she's like, I've always felt like I was a versus, especially when they were little, little little. It was hang on, just a second, I need to go into my office and close the door and get that done. You're going to play or do whatever by yourself in the background while I do this. And that was a start. I'm not going to shame anybody that's doing that at all. But the next level up is how do you want to contribute? And my one daughter says, you know, I think I could run this soundboard. That sounds really cool to me when you do events or when you have podcasts. I think I could run this soundboard in the back of the room. I said, great, let's teach you how to do that. Other says, you know, I'd like to do the check in process for the events.

22:06 I could get on the computer because I can. She does crochet for her business, so she's like, I could crochet in between people checking in and I was like, great, that's a twenty dollars an hour position, So come on over and asking just asking all of the kids, how do you well? I want to do the graphic design? Do you need a logo? I want to do this? How about we build websites together? And then I turn around and ask them how can I support your business? And for my one daughter who crochet, is that means going to market every other Saturday with her and we go to the market and we set up the booth and we do the tent together. So's it's this, It's this. I don't like calling it a transactional, but it's a win win Stephen Covey talks about win win. It's a win win situation of how can I help you and how can you help me? And when I started asking that, it just it made us peers in a way. And I don't think that parents and children are always meant to be peers, but when you can create a common ground, because guess what we're all figuring this day out. None of us have ever done this day before. September fifteenth, twenty twenty five. We are all new here, none of us with zero XP to start the day right. And I think about that with my kids, especially when we're attention.

23:21 I've never done this day before. I tell my nineteen year old all that I've never parented a nineteen year old before. She's my oldest, and even when my next one turns nineteen, I've never parented her as a nineteen year old. So when we can admit that we are both in the learning process, and then we can admit that we both need help, and then we can elevate each other by both giving and receiving help to one another. That has been one of the most powerful tools, because then it translates to them doing it with all their friends and so forth. That's one of the best ways to find harmonies, is how can we work together and what can I do to serve you? Isn't it amazing when your kids get involved? It is so much fun. I had at different points my three kids did different things with me with my other business.

24:11 And my oldest son had lost his job and had just moved and I was down in Florida working and he called me up and was just in this panic and I said, well, you know what, right now, I'm actually looking for somebody who can do this, this, this, this and this for me. So if you would be interested, I'm happy to hire you. And I was like, you know what, I'll give you six months if you want to stay, You're more than welcome. If you've any wound up getting into the Union. I mean, you know, but it gave him that little bit of a cushion. My daughter is the graphic artist and you know, doing her photography and stuff, and she was traveling the country. I said, how about I give you X amount a month and everywhere you oh, take our clear bags and photograph them all over the place, you know, at the beach, mountains, here there, camping, hiking, and you know, I wound up with a few hundred pictures that I can repurpose over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. And it was so much fun. And then my middle son was the one, mom, I'll take the rides with you and you have to go pick stuff up, you know, and he'd come with me state to state, and you know, I had to go to Philadelphia.

25:28 I said, you know, you're dying for Philly cheese steaks. What do you think He's like, come in? You know? So it is. It is as a mompreneur, you know. And I've been calling myself that since nineteen ninety four, and I've been doing this since last century. It started with the computer. My one time I was working on something and I went it was gone. Oh and my son, who was ten at the time, He's like, excuse me, mommy, I sit down place. I said, sure, and I hear click click, click, click, poo poop, and there it was. He goes, Now, I've saved it for you here, aged for you here too, because they grew up with this stuff, you know, I'm learning it. So it is. It is just such a fun thing when you give your kids that opportunity, and I like you asking what they would want to do. So, as we're bringing this to a clothes what do you want to share with that mom who's listening right now, Marianne, And how can she reach out to you?

26:26 Well, gosh, I got to tell your doory. My message has changed in the last four days. It really has. There's a lot of fluff that I didn't realize was fluff that I was bringing to the table a lot of things that were fun but unimportant, a lot of things that were they're just fat that needs to be trimmed. And in the last four days I have thought so passionately about what it means to carry the flag, what it means to pick up your mic, what it means to communicate. So I've taken a mission onto this phrase that says pick up the mic, and that means say something.

27:07 When you're with your children, say the thing, have the hard discussions, talk to them, Listen to them. When you feel compelled to go live on social media, just do it. I don't care if you have ten followers. I don't care if you have one follower. I don't care if you have a thousand followers. But it is This comes from a moment when I put on my first event and nobody showed up. But I delivered my keynote anyway, because I was never going to be the reason that my message didn't get out there and help somebody. And I don't want that for anyone. Any mother that's listening, don't be the reason your message doesn't get out there. Pick up the mic and say the thing, have the discussion, speak the words be a little kinder than necessary. That's what I hope that you will do. And if you want to chat with me, if you want to be closer to me, if if we like each other, or even if you haven't want to have a discussion you disagree with me, I'm open to that. Text me. I'll give it everyone my number. It's eight oh one, five oh nine five four nine five, because my mission is to put my microphone up to the messages that matter.

28:08 I love what you just said because words do matter, and words can hit harder than a fist or words can provide comfort and enlightenment and encouragement and empowerment. And as women, we can stand on top of that mountain and shout and sing and whatever. But when we do it together, when we bring our voices together, that harmony thathire. We become of encouragement and empowerment and raising our children to see, to actually see what is going on around there, to be an active participant in their own life, because too often, especially as we get older, we kind of put it in neutral. And this is not a time to be in.

29:00 Neutral, No, you know, definitely not. So I really encourage you to reach out to Marianne, we didn't even have a chance to talk about our podcast. Tell me about your podcast really quick. It's gonna run over who we don't care well. I have a podcast called The marian Hickman Show, and this is where we listen to the stories of people. You know. So I have guests on that, a brand new that I've never podcasted before. I just had a guest on We broadcast the episode yesterday from a man who traveled all over the world, and his words about understanding just hit so timely for me. So my podcast is all about putting my microphone up to the people whose messages I want to hear. I'm curious about people. So you'll hear some themes about getting on stage and some taxics and techniques for that, and how to take the stage and how to take the mics. But most importantly, you're going to hear the stories of the people who I believe are making a difference, whether they just started or whether they have decades of experience. That's what my show is all about.

29:57 I love it. All of Mary's links are going to be live on wordommradio dot com. I encourage you to reach out take a listen to her podcast and know that each one of us makes a difference in our own way. We really do, and together we're so unstoppable. So Mirianne, thank you so much for taking the time to come and share your journey with us here on Word of Mom Radio today. Thank you, Dory. Let's go, ladies right. On, and for all of you tuning in, thanks for listening. We're going to close out with our fabulous theme song from Smith's Sisters and the Sunday Drivers. So till next time, This is Dori di Carlo saying, go out and create a marvelous you. Bye for now.

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31:49 She is she is adds value and hope. Has proved to be brave. See it's never too late, never time to behave reaching for dreams doesn't matter of the age. Believes in herself, hungleash from her cage. She is sure, she is sure, she is strong, is strong, she is true, true, she is brave, she is bold, she is you, she is she is sure, she is strong, she is strong, she is true, is true, she is brave, brave, she is she is you.