June 4, 2025
The Debut of Ask Mom Parenting with Sue Donnellan on WoMRadio
Ask Mom Parenting Podcast with Sue Donnellan, mom of four, parenting coach, and reformed yeller, has real, no BS conversations.
In this episode of the Ask Mom Parenting Podcast, Sue Donnellan, mom of four, parenting coach, and reformed yeller, has real, no BS conversations with Randee Moore about what really works in parenting.
Sue shares her powerful transition from old-school, authoritarian tactics to a leadership-based approach that actually improves behavior without power struggles. They dive into the research-backed reasons yelling, punishment, and timeouts backfire and why the “gentle parenting” trend often misses the mark by lacking clear leadership. Randee brings the data from the National Institute of Health, while Sue brings real-life experience and practical tools that shift family dynamics fast.
If you’ve ever asked yourself:
“Why won’t my kid listen?”
“Why do I feel like I’m losing control?”
“How do I raise kids who respect me without fearing me?”
…this one’s for you.
What You’ll Learn:
– Why authoritarian parenting creates more defiance, not less
– The hidden downside of “gentle parenting”
– What it means to lead your child instead of managing behavior
– How to stop reacting and start role modeling
– A simple mindset shift to transform your home dynamic
Key Questions Discussed:
When did you realize something had to change in your parenting?
What’s your take on gentle parenting?
What’s one area in your parenting you know isn’t working and how can you lead it differently?
Perfect for:
Parents who are tired of yelling, exhausted by power struggles, and ready to raise emotionally healthy, self-accountable kids without giving up their authority.
Book a FREE Discovery Call
FREE Parenting Resources
AskMomParenting.com
Join the Yell-Free Parenting For Exhausted Moms Facebook Group
Get the Book: https://amazon.com/Secrets-Parenting-Without-Giving-Non-Conformist/dp/0578843838/
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WEBVTT
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She is sure, she is strong. She is strong, she
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is true, is true, she is brave, is bray, she
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is she is you.
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You're tuned in to Word of Mom Radio here on
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the Word of Mom Media network. This is the Ask
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Mom Parenting podcast on Word of Mom Radio, where parenting
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is everything. This is where we empower parents to be leaders,
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not referees. I'm Sue Donellan. I am the creator of
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Esque Mom Parenting. I'm a mother of four, including triplets,
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a military spouse, a parent and relationship coach, and entrepreneur,
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and I teach foundational parenting frameworks that are real and practical,
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simple solutions for parents to be able to raise kids
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from two to twenty with less fights, no yelling, and
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getting no kids to listen. We have real, no bullshit
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conversations about how to let go a guilt, how to
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stop micromanaging, and how to learn instead to follow your instincts.
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Because raising emotionally strong care kids starts with how we
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show up. So whether you're deep in the toddler tantrums,
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navigating tween and teen drama, or somewhere in between, our
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goal is to teach you how to say it only
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once and get buy in, not a battle. So with
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me today is Randy Moore, my sidekick and the person
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who helps me craft my words, and I'll let her
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introduce herself to you. Thanks for being with me, Randy,
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and I'm so excited to do this together with you.
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Yes, I'm excited to be here.
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Hi.
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My name is Randy Moore. I am a mom of
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two kids, ages seven and ten, so I'm still in
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the trenches a little bit of motherhood. I have a
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bachelor's degree in psychology, so I've always been on a
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journey of personal development and for the last ten years
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I have been trying to do that with motherhood and
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parenting as well. So I'm really happy to be here
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and be able to give some insight in perspective and
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see where this takes us.
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Yeah, this is going to be fun. My kids are grown,
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so parenting is in my room mirror, and I do
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have the benefit of knowing what has worked. I simplify
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parenting with a mindset shift and strategies that actually work,
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real world proven, so I'm here to help you try
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to navigate that. So today, for our very first Ask
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Mom Parenting podcast, what we have in store for you
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is to explore real parenting topics, give you one simple
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mindset shift and hopefully one actionable tool like a quick
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win tip that you can use with your kids today.
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This is what we're hoping that you'll get from every podcast,
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but also some good, fun, lively conversation, very real, very honest,
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very raw, and just helpful tips that will help you
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be navigating any of the parenting problems and the challenges
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that you're facing. So for our very first episode, what
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we're going to talk about is we're going to introduce
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you to my approach to parenting. Just a little bit
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of background about what got me into parenting coaching and
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relationship coaching. Like most people, I started my parenting in
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my methods of parenting similar to the way I was raised.
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And I was raised by a mom who liked to
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yell and who did punish, and you know, I quickly
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realized that the methods that I was raised with that
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I was using were pushing my kids away. So to begin,
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let me just tell a quick little story, a little
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relatable confession is that I never really wanted kids. My
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husband loves kids, wanted a big family, and I had
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our first child, I thought, Okay, this is the nicest
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thing I've ever done for anybody, I will have a
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child for you. And after we had the want, it
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became pretty clear that I should probably have a second one,
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and in so doing ended up with natural triplets. Two
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eggs dropped, one split and went from one to four
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kids overnight. Talk about getting thrown into the deep end
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of parenting. I was also running my own business and
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supporting my husband, who was a fighter pilot deployed. So
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of course, when I think about what everything we were
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taught about parenting, it took me years to realize that
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when I started yelling, you know nothing, but it's a
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mirror on you quicker than being a parent and having
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children and having these little kids look back at you
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when you're yelling, like what are you saying? I quickly
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found myself resorting to the types of ways that I
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was parented, whether it was grounding, timeouts, whether it was yelling.
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I was definitely a big yeller. Do it once, because
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you know, do it when I asked you once? And
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like it, Like what, there's psychology to this. There's tips
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and tricks and skills that I need to have. Like
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I thought it was just going to be talking to
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a little mini adult, I did realize that I was
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raised with yelling, I was raised with restriction. I was
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raised with punishment and being honest with myself. I know
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that that didn't work for me. I mean, the more
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that you punished me, the more I just thought I'll
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lie better, I'll get to the point where you don't
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catch me. And I didn't want that from my kids.
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I didn't want my kids lying to me. I didn't
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want to create the environment with which they felt like
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they needed to lie to me, because, as you'll find
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in upcoming episodes, my philosophy is that if you're lying
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to me, that's my fault. And that's my fault because
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I haven't created an environment with which you feel like
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you can trust me with information and how you feel.
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So that started my journey into psychology, reading and learning
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and going to school on behavioral psychology, studying Montessori techniques,
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having our kids in a Montessori school, taking classes, and
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pretty much having my own experimentation test tubes with all
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four of my kids being raised and me learning on
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the job. Fast forward. Here we are, we're going to
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figure out what does work. If what we're doing right
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now is not working, What does work?
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Well, one thing I have to say is I definitely
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feel like your story is so relatable, and I love
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just how honest you are about being a reluctant parent,
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because I don't think that's something that is talked about enough.
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And I can relate to that in a way because
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I was kind of the opposite. I was more of
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a reluctant parent. After I was a parent, I was like, Oh.
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My goodness, what did I get myself into?
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And then society makes you feel like if you feel
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that way, that there must be something wrong with you.
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Right, Scipus always loved that about your story, and I
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feel like it is relatable because sometimes you know, there's
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ups and downs of parenting and some days I'm I'm
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a rected parent after the fact. But I also would
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agree that I think a lot of people are now
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on a journey to just parent in a way that
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is better than what they had, and I think a
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lot of parents today are on that journey.
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So just curious. When did you realize that something had
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to change in your parenting.
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Well, I realized it when my husband did call out.
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We had four kids under five at that time, and
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my oldest is a lot like me. You know, he
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never met a rule he didn't want to break, and
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he was a good kid, but he also did not
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like to have any control exerted over him. My husband
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called out, you know, honey, you are yelling a lot.
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And I mean I was completely justified and yelling, right
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four kids under five, they're not listening. I'm running a business,
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and I really built up all the reasons why I
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was yelling and was justified to do so. But then
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at the end of the day, I saw my own
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talk about kids being a mirror. I saw my own
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kids staring back at me, zoned out, tuning me out.
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You know, the more I yelled, the more he just
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sort of withdrew, and I realized, Okay, this just isn't working.
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My throat literally hurt from yelling, and I just felt,
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I don't know what more. I don't know how to
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get these kids to listen. I don't know how to
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gather everybody up. And part of what we're going to
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be talking about here say it once. How do we
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learn how to say it once so I don't have
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to yell and so that kids will listen. These are
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all things that I had to learn. We're taught and
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have been raised with these authoritarian ways of parenting. I
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think all of us, no matter what generation, anyone that's
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a parent now, I am sure has been raised with
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some type of restriction, some type of punishment, sometimes some
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type of you know, time out, some sort of I
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told you so, or do as I say. Those methods
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just are empty, and we find that they're just not
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They're not getting the job done, and it's adding more
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stress onto our plate as a parent and as a mom.
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So I first realized that when you know, my kids
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were just staring back at me and nothing was changing,
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yet my throat was hurting, and I just knew there
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had to be a different way. Even though I justified
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my yelling and I felt fully justified that this is
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you know, this is what needs to happen because that's
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what was done to me. But yeah, that so, this
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is that's that's how I came to the conclusion that
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I need to change, and that, you know, does bring
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us to kind of the foundation of my parenting style
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and the foundational framework that I teach, which is that
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parents are the leaders, and we need to be the
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role model. We need to be that calm authority that
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creates the environment of respect and how do we do that.
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Yeah, I'm glad you brought up that different methods of
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parenting the way we were taught to parent, especially authoritarian
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ways of parenting. You are absolutely right, most of us
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have experienced that. I definitely know I have, and I
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know parents today are really looking for confirmation, you know
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that they're wanting to try a new way or that
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they're with the ways that they are exploring is actually
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beneficial for their kids. So something that I did found
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was in twenty twenty two, the National Institute of Health
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actually did publish a study, look like they were studying
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families in different family systems, and they actually found that
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there are effects of kids that are raised in authoritarian
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parenting environments. They could have increased ag question difficulty in
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social situations, low self esteem, and even difficulty making decisions,
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which I know actually kind of ties into a lot
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of what you like to talk about who is actually
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giving kids the chance to make their own decisions? And
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I think it just goes to show that the restriction
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placed in more authoritarian style of parenting, the kids often
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will just lash out. So that brings us to a
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great time, Sue, why don't you tell us a little
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bit about your philosophy of parenting.
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Part of my philosophy about parenting and what I teach
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the foundational framework from what where I teach is that,
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getting back to the title of this episode, is why
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everything we've been taught about parenting is wrong. It is
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for one simple reason is that everyone is teaching us
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to change the child, and no one ever tells us
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that we need to change ourselves first before anybody else's
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behavior changes. So we are here to talk about skills
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and tips and tricks and actionable points on what to
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do to turn a child's behavior when we're struggling with challenges. However,
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on this very first episode, the biggest takeaway, the biggest
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change that a parent can make, is to own that
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their child's behavior is a reflection of how they are
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being parented. And that's a fact. When I was yelling
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at my kids and they were blazing over and nobody
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was doing anything, I had to figure out better ways
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to reach my kids, to motivate my kids, and basically
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become a leader, which is why my big focus is
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on leadership parenting because kids need role models, they need leaders.
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They are looking to us for that framework and all
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of the methods that before I wrote my book, Secrets
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to Parenting Without Giving a Fuck. Before I wrote the book,
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I was butting up against all these different philosophies that
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were telling me what to do to change my child.
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And in my background in psychology and behavioral sciences, I realized, no,
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like I have to say, I'm the one yelling. I
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own my behavior. First, I change my behavior, and then
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the child's reaction changes to how I show up differently.
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So the number one thing about parenting and about getting
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behavior to change from your kids, if you're frustrated, if
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you're stressed, is looking in the mirror, and let's talk
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about how we're showing up. What types of things are
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we saying, how are we saying them, How are we
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structuring our day? What are our processes, What boundaries are
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you creating, and what expectations are you creating that the
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child has to adhere to and to live up to.
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Parents are the leaders, They're the calm authority, and they
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are creating the environment and the culture with which respect
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and accountability and collaboration come from. So if you want
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your kids to show respect, and you want collaboration, and
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you want that, I encourage parents to take a look
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at themselves first and change yourself in terms of how
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you're showing up and what you might be saying and
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how you're saying it, whether you're yelling, whether you're executing boundaries,
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and from there the household and the response and the
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reactions to you will change. So that's the first thing,
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