April 28, 2025
Dr. Deborah Heiser on The Mompreneur Model with Dori DeCarlo
Dr. Deborah Heiser is the CEO/Founder of The Mentor Project.
Dr. Deborah Heiser is the CEO/Founder of The Mentor Project, author of The Mentorship Edge, and an Applied Developmental Psychologist. She has been featured at TEDx, Marshall Goldsmith 100 Coaches, Thinkers 50 Radar List, Psychology Today and is also an Adjunct Professor in the Psychology Department at SUNY Old Westbury.
Join host Dori DeCarlo on The Mompreneur Model and connect with Dr. Heiser at DeborahHeiser.com and on LinkedIn. Find out more and become a mentor at MentorProject.org.
Please support UnsilencedVoices.org a global 501(c)3 nonprofit that empowers survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and human
trafficking. We thank Smith Sisters and the Sunday Drivers for our theme song, "She is You".
Be sure to connect with us on BlueSky, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and come tell us your story!
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She is sure, she is sure, she is strong, she
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is true, is true, she is brave Bray, she is
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she is you, is you, she is she is sure,
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she is true. She is strong. She is strong, she
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is true, is true, she is brave Bray, she is
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she is you.
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Hello, everyone, Welcome to today's Word of Mom Radio. Here
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on the Word of Mom Media Network. I'm your host,
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Dori Di Carlo. And you know we're here a week
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after week, show after show breaking those myths that morepreneurs
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and business women, especially those of us building our businesses
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from home. You know that we're just dabbling in between
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bake sales and getting our nails done. We're not. We
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are smart, we are savvy, and we are sharing the
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wisdom of women in business and in life. And I'm
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really looking forward to bringing today's guest into our show.
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Doctor Jebra Heiser is the CEO and founder of The
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Mentor Project, author of The Mentorship Edge, and an applied
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developmental psychologist. She has been featured at Tedex Marshall Goldsmith's
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one hundred Coaches, Thinkers fifty, Radar List, Psychology Today, and
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is also an adjunct professor in the psychology department at
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sunny Old Westbury. And I could go on and on
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and tell you about her, but I'd much rather bring
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her in. So, with that being said doctor Deborah Heiser,
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welcome to Word of Mom Radio.
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Well, thank you. I'm delighted to be here.
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I'm excited to have you. So I would love for
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you to take us on your journey that led you
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to creating the Mentor project.
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Sure, well, it started when I was starting out as
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a researcher.
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I wanted to study aging.
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And when I thought of aging, it was everything that
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no one wants to have her get. So studying depression, frailty,
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Alzheimer's disease, and this is how I got my start.
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And then I went out and somebody said to me, Hey,
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what do we have to look forward to? Is anything
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you're doing mattering for what we have to look forward
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to as we get older. Is it just frailty with
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a band aid on it? Is it just depression with
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a band aid on it? And I really had to
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stop and think, and I said to myself, oh my,
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I don't know if this is the future I want.
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I want to know what I have to look forward
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to also, so I pivoted and looking at our lifespan.
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I didn't know there was so much good stuff. And
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right in the middle when we hit midlife, is this
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stage called generativity, and it's where we're built to want
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to give back without expecting anything in return. And any
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mom out there understands this really well, because when you
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get up and the little baby cries, you don't say
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you better do something for me later. You know if
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you are caring for that person without expecting anything in
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return from them. And it really hits again in midlife,
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right around fifty is when it said it's really hitting
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for most of us, and in that we want to
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engage in mentoring, volunteering, and philanthropy ways that we can
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give ourselves back to others. And I was like really,
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So I took a dive into looking at mentorship because
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I thought, well, for giving a piece of yourself back
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to somebody else, what does that look like? Why would
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a mentor want to do that? And I started interviewing
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mentors who were from grandmas to four star generals to
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see what they were really saying about it. Why would
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they want to do it? I couldn't imagine what was
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the driving force because the research was saying that we
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have this.
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Built in drive like walking and talking just to do
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it well.
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It turned out they all said things like they needed
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to feel relevant. They wanted to feel like they had
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value in the world, that they were useful, that they
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had something that was important in them, that they hadn't
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just checked a lot of boxes in their life, and
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that what they were giving back was needed in the world.
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It made their footprint a little bit deeper. So when
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I talked to them, there were a couple of people
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who said, I have a really hard time finding mentees.
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And these were people that changed the world. One of
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them was one of the fathers of the network firewall.
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His name is Bill Cheswick, and he said, I'm getting
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ready to go live on a farm, and I'm retiring
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from Bell Labs as an innovator, and I'm not going
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to have any access to students to give back to.
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And it wasn't like he could go to a park
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and say, hey, kid, you want to mentor He had
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this problem, and so we said, well, let's see if
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we could get Bill into some schools. We started with
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a few people and at worked they even had Chez
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Day on Wednesdays, and we had a couple of other
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really cool people from NASA and other researchers. They were
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going into schools and the kids loved it, and the
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people were mentoring loved.
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It, and we thought that was going to be it.
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But we decided to.
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Form a company, and it was thought it would be
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ten people, that would be all it would be. And
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everyone said, no one will ever want to join to
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you band of weirdos going out and doing this, because
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people who are really top level are too busy for
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this kind of thing, they're too important for it. And
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I said, okay, good, then it'll just be us. I'm
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happy with that.
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I'm fine.
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And it turned out that within six months we moved
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from ten to sixty, then to eighty, then to one hundred,
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and we're talking top notch people, astronaut six, seven time
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Nobel Laureate nominee, artists, everybody from soup to nuts was
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saying I want to join. So that's how we got formed,
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really by accident, really just organically, and we've been moving
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ever since. We're five years old now, and just last
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year we were able to give away three million dollars
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of mentorship out hours to students in five countries, so
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you know, it's just fun. How things that were built
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to do happen when you just ignite a little flame.
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It's amazing to me that people thought people wouldn't want
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to give back, and I find that incredulous. I truly do.
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I know.
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I don't know anyone who has attained a certain level,
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and even before they've gotten there, that hasn't wanted to
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help other people move forward.
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You're right, but most people don't think that. They think
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only if you think of mentorship. Most people think of
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the mentee looking to climb the lower They say, go
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find a mentor, and that person's a nameless, faceless individual
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out there. They can't describe who that person is. They're
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just like a hand grabbing them up. And that is
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why they couldn't imagine anyone would want to do this,
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because there has been such a difficulty for mentees to
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find a mentor. It's just that no one ever realized
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that mentors were having the same problem. They had no
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way to get in touch with mentees. And mentorship is
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mentor driven, it's not menty driven.
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You know.
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The mentor's the one with the knowledge, expertise, the values,
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the culture, all of that stuff that the mentee wants.
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So we had it backwards, and that's why we've been
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having so many problems. Is that you can't drive something
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by someone saying I want and they don't know who
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that person is. It has to be driven by the
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experts who can say I have all of this, who
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wants it? It's free, come take.
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Why do you feel it is so important for the
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mentor to be part of this mentorship?
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It's incredibly important because imagine yourself in midlife and you've
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checked all the boxes. You've done everything you were supposed
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to do. You got your job, you had your kids,
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you did whatever you were going to do, and then
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you say to yourself, now, what more boxes?
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I get to check more boxes? This is the.
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Time when you want to say I have meaning in
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the world, that I matter. Mentorship allows you to feel
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that you feel relevant. You are changing somebody's life, you're
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making their life better, You're moving something in the direction
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that you want to move it to. So mentorship is
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you get to choose who you mentor how you mentor
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when you mentor where you mentor you get to choose
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all of that, and that's what allows the mentors to
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feel like they're useful, productive, that their footprint matters. They
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have a legacy that they are relevant. There's nothing more
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scary to a person than feeling like you're isolated, alone, disconnected,
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and irrelevant. There's nothing like that is like being put
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in a room with no lights and no windows and
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the door is closed. So this is what allows us
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to feel as mentors, like we're an important part of life.
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Everything that you're doing. And so far as being able
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to match people up. Do you find that there's a
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commonality when you create that mentor mentee relationship or are
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they just all so completely different?
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You know, the commonality is that people are looking for
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a meaningful connection. That's really what the commonality is. It
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doesn't work if somebody is coming in and they're saying,
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I want information. I don't care who it is, I'm
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just looking to get a grab. Mentorship can be a
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one off, but it really is the biggest commonality is
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that people want a meaningful connection. The mentee often does
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they want somebody who doesn't like somebody in their corner
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who's really working to make it so their life is
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better For the mentor who doesn't want somebody that says,
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everything you're giving me is so wonderful. Just what I've wanted,
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Thank you, Thank you. Who doesn't want that. It's like
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saying that an actor gets on stage and doesn't want applause,
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They like, you know, a silent room at the end.
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It's the same exact sort of thing. And that's really
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what the commonality is is drive for meaningful connection from everybody.
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We all want it at all times. There's nobody who
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goes through life and says, oh, I want to be
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disconnected or I just want to get what I.
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Want and go.
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We all want to feel connected and needed, and we
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have that with mentorship. There's the need of the mentee
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to get the information. There's the need of the mentor
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to have somebody want that information that they have to
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feel important and relevant.
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Do you find that there's in today's world kind of
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a niche that people are looking at when looking for
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mentorship or is it really across the board in all
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kinds of fields.
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Oh, you need mentorship and everything. If you think about
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the biggest way that we've mentored in this universe, in
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this planet is through culture. That's how religion has been
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passed down for centuries. It doesn't matter which one you
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subscribe to. It has been passed down by mentorship for
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thousands of years. In the book, I talk about religion
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and I have a professor, Christopher Baldo talk about mentors
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from the Bible, Old and New tests and things like that.
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And it's been in every kind of a scripture that
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is out there. That's how it gets passed down. We're
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never going to remember an accountant three hundred years ago
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that was in the local job, but we are going
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to remember the traditions that have been passed down the
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values that matter to us. Those sorts of things are
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the ones that are really really meaningful to us as
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mentors and mentees. So is there a niche, Yes, there is.
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There are some people who say I need something specific
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or I have a very specific job. Like if you're
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an astronaut, that's pretty specific, you know. But if you're
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somebody who's you know, doing world peace, that might be
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broader and you can get a few more people in
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that area. If it's art that that's an area that
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has a little bit more broadness to it. So it
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really depends on what you're looking at.
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On that note, I want to take a quick break,
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say thank you to our sponsors. Then I want to
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talk about what makes a good mentor and mentor and
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everything else. Because I think this is something that's going
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to resonate with our audience. So we'll be back here
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in just a moment on Word of Mom Radio.
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She is brave, she is bold, she is you, and
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we want to tell your story. Are you ready to
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Go to wordommradio dot com and register as a guest.
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we all win.
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In twenty seventeen, Unsilenced Voices was formed to help survivors
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of domestic abuse and gender based violence worldwide. The organization
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currently serves Siri Leone, Rwanda, Ghana, and the USA. In
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twenty twenty two, Unsilenced Voices gifted over thirty three thousand
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