July 14, 2025

Barb Nangle on Healthy Habits with Dori DeCarlo

Barb Nangle on Healthy Habits with Dori DeCarlo
Barb Nangle on Healthy Habits with Dori DeCarlo
Word of Mom Radio
Barb Nangle on Healthy Habits with Dori DeCarlo

Barb Nangle can help you say 'no' without guilt and shame so you can finally put yourself first and stop stressing about what others think.

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Season 13

Barb Nangle is a boundaries coach, speaker and host of the podcast, "Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery." She also offers a free Boundary-Building Starter Kit. In 2015 at the age of 52, after decades of therapy and tons of self-help work in a variety of areas, Barb got into 12-step recovery. She’s been in two such fellowships since then and has changed deeply and profoundly as a result.

As a former addict and people-pleasing rescuer, she empowers people to thrive and take more control over their personal and professional lives by coaching them to build healthy boundaries. Barb works with organizations in the helping professions, as well as women entrepreneurs to avoid burnout and reduce turnover.

Her specialty is working with professional women who say yes when they really want to say no, and are so focused on others that they neglect themselves. She’s coached hundreds using her boundary-building system.

Join host Dori DeCarlo for Healthy Habits and connect with Barb at FragmentedToWhole.com and HigherPowerCC.com. Tune in for her Higher Power podcast and connect with Barb on LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook and YouTube.

Please support UnsilencedVoices.org a global 501(c)3 nonprofit that empowers survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and human trafficking.

We thank Smith Sisters and the Sunday Drivers for our theme song, "She is You".

Be sure to connect with us on BlueSky, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and come tell us your story!

WordofMomRadio.com - sharing the wisdom of women, in business and in life.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/word-of-mom-radio--5252572/support.

WEBVTT

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She is sure, She is true. She is straw straw,

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she is true, is true, she is brave, bray, she

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is she is you.

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Hello, everyone, Welcome to today's Word of Mom Radio. Here

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on the Word of Mom Media Network. I'm your host,

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Dori Di Carlo. And you know we are here week

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after week, show after show, breaking those myths that morepreneurs

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and business women, especially those of us building our businesses

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from home. You know that we're just dabbling in between

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bake sales and getting our nails done. We're not. We

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are smart, we are savvy, and we are sharing the

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wisdom of women in business and in life. And you

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know I love sharing fellow podcasters, So I'm very excited

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about bringing today's guest into our healthy habits. So. Barb

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Nagel is a boundaries coach, speaker and the host of

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the podcast Fragmented to Whole Life lessons from twelve Step Recovery,

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and she also offers a free boundary building starter hit

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on her site. In twenty fifteen, at the age of

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fifty two, after decades of therapy and tons of self

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work in a variety of areas, Barb got into twelve

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step recovery. She's been in two such fellowships since then

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and has changed deeply and profoundly as a result. As

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a former addict and people pleasing rescuer, she empowers people

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to thrive and take more control over their boundaries and

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professional lives by coaching them to building healthy boundaries. Barb

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works with organizations in helping professions as well as women

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entrepreneurs to avoid burnout and reduce turnover. Her specialty is

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working with professional women who say yes when they really

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want to say no and are so focused on others

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that they neglect themselves. He's coached using her boundary building

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systems and is out there making a difference. And I

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can keep on going, but I'd much rather bring Barb in.

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So with all that being said, Barbed welcome to Word

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of Mom Radio.

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Thank you so much, a Dory, I am really excited

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to be here. As you know from our previous correspondence,

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I identified very strongly as an entrepreneur. I do a

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lot of networking with women entrepreneurs. I've coached lots of moms,

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many of whom are also entrepreneurs, and my experiences, I

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think especially with women, not that men don't have problem

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with boundaries, but I know that a lot of women

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entrepreneurs suck at boundaries. So that means things like they

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don't charge at least market rate, they don't get rid

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of toxic clients, employees and vendors, they don't delegate, they

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don't take good care of themselves. They believe that only

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they can do it, and they end up getting aren't out.

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So it's really hard to have a thriving business, or

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to at least sustain a thriving business, if you don't

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eventually learn how to build healthy personal and professional boundaries.

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So I'm super excited to be.

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Here as we're talking about this. You know, so many

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people deal with guilt and shame because now they're setting

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boundaries and it's so difficult to do that. So let's

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talk about what a boundary is and why, especially women,

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because it really is I've yet to hear about though,

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what I really feel bad that I charged my clients

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so much? I know, yeah, never do this, no, So

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let's talk about that what a boundary is and why

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it's Yeah.

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Yeah, So boundaries, I think of them as standards or

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guidelines for your life, and then they're limits that you

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have for yourself and other people to uphold those standards.

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So for example, you know, you and I were just

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talking that. You know, I have years of substance use

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and a compulsive overeating in my history, so I've basically

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abused and neglected myself for a long time. So health

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is a very important value of mine. So I have

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some health standards. So I have limits for myself, so

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like I have many, but for example, I don't stay

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up until all hours of the night the way I

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used to. I go to bed usually by eleven at

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the latest because sleep is a foundation for health. A

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limit I have for other people. I don't allow people

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to smoke in my house because I live in a

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healthy household. So that's you know, that's a basic example,

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and you've actually asked, like, I have top three questions.

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I get, what's a boundary? How do I get rid

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of the guilt and shame? And then what do I

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do when people push back? So the guilt and shame?

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It Actually there's not a quick answer to that, but

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it's absolutely doable. And the reason it's not a quick

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answer is because we have to start by figuring out

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like what matters to me, what's important to me? So

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when I coach my private clients, I have them do

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an exercise before we even start to come up with

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their top five values. And it's not just a list,

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it's what does this value mean to me? And why

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does it matter to me? And then they use those

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values as sort of like guideposts or guardrails for how

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to make decisions in their lives and where and when

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to set boundaries. And the reason that helps with the

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guilt and shame is because we're coming into integrity with ourselves.

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What I found personally for me as well as the

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clients that I work with, is we say things are

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important to us, but we're not living in alignment with that.

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So building healthy boundaries is about getting yourself back into

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integrity with yourself, living in alignment with what matters to you.

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And when you start doing that, it's like you're grounded

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in you. I think of me as beyond situated in me,

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in my body and my life. When we have poor boundaries,

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we are typically not situated in us. We're so focused

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on other people places and things, but especially like what

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does he need? What does she need? What do they need?

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When we never ask what do I need? So partly

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the guilt and shame is dealt with by focusing on

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what's important to us. But ultimately it's about taking the

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focus from out there and bringing it in here, and

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it's about focusing internally, not because that's selfish, because that's

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a myth that I get, like, Oh, it's selfish for

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me to take care of myself. No it's not. It's

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actually self preservation, and it's self less because when you

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fill your cup first and you pour from the overflow,

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you're not trying to pour from an empty cup, and

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you have more to give. So I want to give

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you an example stories. So I think of myself as

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having been a volunteerioholic before I got in recovery. So

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I have volunteered for fifteen different nonprofit organizations over the years,

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and I got to the point where I was like

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resentful and burnt out, and I'd be like, why does

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she keep asking me? Well, you know, she asked me

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sixteen times to volunteer, because fifteen times I said yes, right,

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And so now I actually donate more hours per week

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and community service than I ever did before. But I

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do it strategically rather than at the drop of a hat.

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I do it by choice rather than by sense of

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compulsion or obligation, and I do it after filling my

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cup first, so I pour from the overflow. So when

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you start to focus internally, it doesn't mean you're going

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to turn into a selfish bitch. It means you're going

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to have an overflowing cup and you're going to be

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much more strategic about how you give service. And you're

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not going to become resentful. You're not going to become

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burnt out. And especially if you're a mom, you are

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modeling for your children. I'm not expendable, and when you

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grow up, you won't be expendable either.

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I really love that answer, because, let's face it, women

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had a really difficult time and then they feel guilt

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and bad because now, all of a sudden, when they

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do say no, people are just shocked. What do you

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mean You're not going to drop everything and do something

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because I need you to? And how do you deal

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with that? Because, let's face it, you get that pushback

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from people, right, but all of a sudden, you create

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a priority for you.

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So I'm going to answer that question, but I'm going

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to do a couple of preambles. Number one, we are

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always teaching people how to treat us most of the time,

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we're teaching them treatment the same as you always have.

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Treatment the same as you always have, treatment the same

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as you always have when you start building healthy boundaries,

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we are re teaching them how to treat us. So

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there's that. Then I want to make the distinction between

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harms and hurts, because so many people are like I

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wonder hurt their feelings, and I don't want you to

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actively hurt anybody's feelings. But if somebody's feelings must be hurt,

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it shouldn't be you. So let's say that you had

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ten people that you wanted to set boundaries with and

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you didn't set boundaries with any of them, so you've

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probably hurt your own feelings ten times over. But if

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you do go to set boundaries with those ten people,

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maybe three of them might get their feelings hurt. So

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three separate people have had their feelings hurt once. Whereas

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you took ten hits, three people took one hit. Right,

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So if someone's feelings must be hurt, it shouldn't be you.

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But also there's a difference between harming someone and hurting someone.

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So it might hurt you to take a needle to

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get a splinter out of your finger, but it's not

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going to harm you. In fact, it's going to heal you.

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It might hurt someone's feelings to set a boundary with them,

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but it's not going to harm them. In fact, there's

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the possibility that it could heal the relationship, and that's

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because you're coming clean with them and being honest with

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them about what's okay and not okay. Even if it

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doesn't heal the relationship with that person, it heals your

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relationship with yourself because you've started to show up for yourself,

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follow through for yourself, and act in alignment with what

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matters to you. In other words, bring yourself into integrity

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with yourself, and integrity is another word for wholeness. Who

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doesn't want to be whole? So when people push back,

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I want you to also consider there is a whole

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host of reasons. Number One, they may be forgot because

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you never did that before. Number Two, maybe they don't

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believe you because you've never done it before, and so

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they're kind of testing like is this real or are

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you making this up? Is this is a one time thing?

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And Three it could be they have poor boundaries, so

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it's really difficult for them to respect other people's boundaries,

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which means it's even more important for you to hold

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fast to your boundaries. So typically like consider like most

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people are not jerks, Like unless you're dealing with someone

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who's like toxic, inebriated, mentally ill, et cetera. Just assume

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the best of intentions and they forgot or something like that.

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So it's typically like, you know, like let's say somebody

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asked you to do something and you say, you know,

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I'm not available. And if they say, you know, like

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really I really need you to do it, No, I'm

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not available, So you simply repeat what you are telling them,

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and sometimes you do it in different ways. I have

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something else on my calendar, I'm not available. I'm not

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going to be able to make it. Nope, I can't

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be there. Like you say it in a bunch of

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different ways, and in the beginning it might be hard

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to say it like on an even keel with an

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even tone, the way I'm doing it. Do your best

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to do it, even if you feel like you're crumbling.

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I know, in the beginning, I felt like I was

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gonna die, Like I literally felt like my life was

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under threat. And I didn't die, and I actually said

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to my fellows and recovery, like I did it and

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I didn't die, And I felt like it was important

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for me to tell myself that so intellectually in my

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frontal lobe, I could hear it and eventually it would

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get dumped into I call it my lizard brain, you know.

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And so and then sometimes like I'm also a fan

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of holding your hand up and being like, I'm going

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to stop you right there, because there's something when you

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put your hand up, you are reinforcing visually what you're saying,

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but there's also something energetically that you're doing, is you're

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pushing that energy back at the other person, like you're

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not accepting the no energy that they're pushing at you.

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And then usually like if people just don't live, like

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the consequence for your boundary in those cases is that

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you don't follow through and do what they want you

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to do. If you cave, then they don't believe you,

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and you have shown them I am not a woman

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of my word because when I told you no, I

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actually did yes. So you've shown yourself you're not in

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integrity with yourself. And I just want to also say

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something else that really helped me in recovery. So let's

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say that you do cave on a boundary. Is this

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is info, not ammo. This is information for you to learn, integrate,

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and grow from. It is not ammunition to beat yourself up.

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So a lot of us just beat the crap out

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of ourselves. I always thought I had high self esteem

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and I liked myself, and I was this positive person

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and I am and was, but I didn't realize I

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was literally like scanning the horizon for reasons to beat

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myself up before I got in recovery. And when I

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learned this phrase info not ammo, what I got to

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was that I wanted to take go on the bridge

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from self judgment where I was beating the crap out

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of myself or something, to self compassion. And the way

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to do that is through curiosity. Curiosity is neutral. I

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love curiosity because it's neutral. So when you say this

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is info, not ammo, you're being curious and you're able

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to jump that bridge from self judgment to self compassion.

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So it might be something like, you know, what do

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I make of this? What is going on here? I

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think a better question is what could I do differently?

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If you take the energy that you've been using to

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beat yourself up, and you put it into problem solving

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and changing your behavior, it's going to have so much

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bigger of an impact because clearly beating yourself up is

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not working, it's not helping you. So if you do

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cave on a boundary, be gentle with yourself and think through, Okay,

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what could I do differently next time? Maybe it's I'm

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going to reach out to a friend and say, hey,

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I just said no to somebody. Can you help me,

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like stand firm in my boundary. Having the support of

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other people is huge. I was in a small twelve

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step recovery group with three other women when I started

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building boundaries, and it was probably a couple of years

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after I had a really good handle on my boundaries

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that I realized just how important those women were to me,

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because they not only helped me with things like barb,

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keep your hands away from the keyboard, like don't respond

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to that email, and they said things like you deserve

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to set this boundary. You are not a bad person.

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So they gave me pointers, but they also like affirmed

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me and validated me, and they also said things like

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are you sure you want to say it like that?

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You know so having other people, especially if they're not

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emotionally involved in this situation, can be an absolute game changer.

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So whatever you have to do next time, like when

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you think through what I'm going to do next time,

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you're creating neuropathways for new possibilities. So info not ammo

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is absolutely huge, especially when you're learning how to deal

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with people's pushback behavior.

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On that note, think of what Barb just saidh ammo.

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Let's take a quick break. We're going to say thank

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tell your story because when you win, we all win.

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org for more information.

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And we're back here on Word of Mom Radio. We

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are talking with Barb Nagel, the podcast host of Fragmented

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to whole life lessons from twelve Step Recovery. I actually

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want to talk a little about twelve Step Recovery because

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when people hear that, they immediately think of AA. But

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there are so many of these programs out there for support,

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So let's talk a little about that, Barb.

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Sure, yeah, So I had heard of AA as long

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as I can't remember, and there were many times when

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I thought maybe I qualified for the program. Of course

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I never joined it. I'd also heard of alan On

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and ACA. I had heard of it as ACOA Adult

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Children of Alcoholics, but I never understood, like, why what

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happens in those programs? Why do adult children of alcoholics

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need a program. And when, as you mentioned in my intro,

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when I was fifty two, I hit a codependent bottom

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when I invited a homeless friend that I met through

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church to stay at my home during a snowstorm, which

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I now know is not normal behavior. And I invited

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him to stay and he did, and then another time

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and another time, and within a few weeks he was

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practically living with me, and I soon felt trapped in

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my own home. And one day I was talking about

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him with my therapist and in the middle of a

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sentence story, I was like, Oh my god, do you

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think I need to go to alean On And she

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was like yes. And for those who don't know what

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alan is, it's a twelve step recovery program for the

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loved ones of alcoholics. And may wonder why do they

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need a program, And it's because alcoholism is a family disease.

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So people tend to think it's the drinking that's the problem. No,

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it's all the problems that cause the drinking that's the problem.

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And then what happens with loved ones is we tend

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to leap in and do things that we think are

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going to help our addict. Or our alcoholic, and they're

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actually counterproductive. So we swoop in and we try to

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control them, and we end up usually focusing entirely on

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them and neglecting ourselves, getting resentful of them for not

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taking our suggestions and doing what we want. We think

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if I do this, and that they're going to go

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to rehab, they're going to go to detox, they're going

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to go to meetings, they're going to get sober, and

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then they start blaming you for their drinking because you're

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trying to control them, and it just turns into a

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shit show. So I went home from that meeting with

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my therapist and I don't know what I put into

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Google story, but I came up with the word codependent,

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and I was like, how is it possible that I've

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never heard of this word codependent? And just briefly, a

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codependent is a person who essentially is focused on everything

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outside themselves. So the classic codependent is in some kind

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of a relationship with an addict or an alcoholic and

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engages in all kinds of rescuing, fixing, and abling, etc. Behavior.

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And I was shocked that I had never heard this

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because I had been in therapy since I was fifteen,

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I had read a gajillion self help books. I did

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the seminars and the retreats and the workshops and blah

357
00:20:31.359 --> 00:20:35.079
blah blah blah blah. So I started going to Codependence Anonymous.

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Found a sense of relief very quickly, I think partly

359
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because I found out there's a thing that describes me.

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And then also there's people who've recovered from this. And

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I very soon said to somebody, I think I need

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to be reparented. But I didn't know reparenting was a thing.

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And then six weeks into my recovery in CODA, I

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went to go visit a friend in Cape Cod, Massachusetts

365
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who had been in Alcoholics Anonyms for ten years, and

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she'd always raved about her experience and the massive recovery

367
00:21:08.039 --> 00:21:09.799
that she got. So I said, you're gonna love this.

368
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I'm going to Code Appendance Anonymous. She was like, this

369
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is great. Let's see if we can find a CODEA

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meeting here and I'll take you. Well she couldn't, but

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she found an ACA meeting and I was like, I'll

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go for you, because like, I don't, I didn't identify

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with that. And her dad's an alcoholic and we walk

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in in in the opening readings, they said we reparent ourselves,

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and I was like what. And then they read the

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fourteen Traits of an Adult Child, which is affectionately called

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the laundry List, and I was floored. My friend tells

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me I sobbed the whole meeting. I don't remember that,

379
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but I bought the literature, came home to New Haven, Connecticut,

380
00:21:48.319 --> 00:21:51.079
started working the Steps for a year. I went to

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both CODA and ACA, but CODA I just went to meetings.

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I didn't do anything really outside the meeting, whereas an

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ACA I joined a step group, then I joined another meeting.

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I started getting involved in the program, and a year

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into that, I decided to let go of CODA because

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it was maybe like a seventy five percent fit whereas

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AZ was one hundred percent fit. And that turned out

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to be a higher powered moment for me because my

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CODA meeting was on Monday nights. And then a friend

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that I was doing the Steps with had started going

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to Overreaters Anonymous and was sort of a gently trying

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to get me into the program. And I finally went

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to a meeting with her and I went, oh my god,

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I'm a compulsive overeater. I had no idea that was

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even a thing, never mind that I was that. And

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I started going on Monday nights to a downtown New

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Haven overeaters anonymous meeting. I'm now down over one hundred

398
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pounds from my top weight. I've been in recovery for

399
00:22:44.240 --> 00:22:49.759
ten years. I am vastly changed. I didn't know ACA

400
00:22:50.039 --> 00:22:53.160
is a trauma recovery program where you reparent yourself and

401
00:22:53.200 --> 00:22:56.000
you use the twelve steps to recover. I didn't know

402
00:22:56.119 --> 00:22:59.000
that I had intergenerational family dysfunction. I didn't know that

403
00:22:59.039 --> 00:23:00.960
I had childhood trauma. I didn't know that I had

404
00:23:00.960 --> 00:23:05.079
to abandon issues. There's so much that never came up

405
00:23:05.119 --> 00:23:08.240
in all those years of therapy and self help. And

406
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here's how I think of it, Dori. All that work

407
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I did before scratched the surface of the iceberg of

408
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my life, and recovery melted the iceberg. So for me,

409
00:23:17.839 --> 00:23:20.079
the twelve Steps are where it's at. I know that

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they're not for everybody, but like you said, there's way

411
00:23:23.720 --> 00:23:26.920
more than AA. I think there's something like two hundred

412
00:23:27.680 --> 00:23:31.720
twelve step recovery programs, often for addiction, but also for

413
00:23:31.839 --> 00:23:38.720
things that people sometimes call process addictions, so like food, sex, gambling, debt,

414
00:23:39.119 --> 00:23:42.680
et cetera. So you know, I can't say enough good

415
00:23:42.799 --> 00:23:44.839
things about the Twelve Steps of Recovery.

416
00:23:45.279 --> 00:23:49.440
I think it's remarkable that there are so many different

417
00:23:49.480 --> 00:23:54.599
things because you know what, finding support is a tremendous thing.

418
00:23:55.039 --> 00:23:58.839
Oh god, yeah, your mind shift because until you shift

419
00:23:58.920 --> 00:24:02.359
that mind shift, oh yeah, and realizing as you were

420
00:24:02.400 --> 00:24:06.079
saying that you didn't even realize these certain things. Yeah,

421
00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:09.480
we're just part of your life, part of who you are,

422
00:24:10.039 --> 00:24:12.519
and you take it because this is who I am

423
00:24:13.079 --> 00:24:16.000
as opposed to this is what I've been taught. Right,

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00:24:16.759 --> 00:24:20.640
What do you think for you was your most important

425
00:24:20.799 --> 00:24:22.000
mind shift that.

426
00:24:22.200 --> 00:24:25.359
You coming out of victim mentality? The hands down coming

427
00:24:25.359 --> 00:24:28.279
out like I didn't know. And I'm not the quintessential victim.

428
00:24:28.359 --> 00:24:30.960
I'm not like Wolls me the world is against me.

429
00:24:31.279 --> 00:24:34.640
I've never been like that. My victim mentality was very

430
00:24:34.680 --> 00:24:38.000
subtle because I've always felt like a powerful woman of agency.

431
00:24:38.039 --> 00:24:41.519
I always have. But for me, where I first started

432
00:24:41.559 --> 00:24:43.559
to realize it was when I did my relationship in

433
00:24:43.680 --> 00:24:46.519
Mentory and twelve Step Recovery, and I realized that for

434
00:24:46.599 --> 00:24:50.319
every person I ever dated, I had the thought if

435
00:24:50.359 --> 00:24:53.039
only they would fill in the blank, then everything would

436
00:24:53.039 --> 00:24:55.680
be okay. And when I saw in relationship after relationship,

437
00:24:55.720 --> 00:24:58.200
it was like, this is me acting like I have

438
00:24:58.400 --> 00:25:02.279
nothing to do with the status of any of my relationships.

439
00:25:03.000 --> 00:25:05.920
And I eventually came to realize that what I believed

440
00:25:06.200 --> 00:25:10.359
subconsciously was that I was responsible for all of the

441
00:25:10.400 --> 00:25:14.240
good things and all my relationships, and he, whoever he was,

442
00:25:14.240 --> 00:25:16.240
was responsible for all the bad things. And I'm like,

443
00:25:16.359 --> 00:25:18.759
I'm trying not to laugh here because that's laughable that

444
00:25:18.839 --> 00:25:22.119
any one person could be one hundred percent responsible for

445
00:25:22.160 --> 00:25:25.799
everything bad. So most of us dory know that it

446
00:25:25.880 --> 00:25:29.000
takes one person to change a relationship, but we think

447
00:25:29.160 --> 00:25:32.039
that one person is our partner. It's not. It's you.

448
00:25:32.920 --> 00:25:35.400
So when you start to change the way that you

449
00:25:36.079 --> 00:25:39.559
interact and the way that you think, then the things

450
00:25:39.599 --> 00:25:41.680
around you are going to change. And I have evidence

451
00:25:41.720 --> 00:25:44.319
of that in that I'm now in a six and

452
00:25:44.359 --> 00:25:47.720
a half year, very healthy relationship for the first time

453
00:25:47.720 --> 00:25:49.519
in my life. I was fifty five and he was

454
00:25:49.559 --> 00:25:53.200
sixty when we met, and I couldn't have had this

455
00:25:53.440 --> 00:25:57.319
healthy relationship before having healthy boundaries because I now know

456
00:25:57.480 --> 00:26:00.440
who I am where I end another peace will begin

457
00:26:00.599 --> 00:26:02.680
what's okay with me, what's not okay with me? What

458
00:26:02.759 --> 00:26:05.000
I want like me to prefer. I know how to

459
00:26:05.039 --> 00:26:09.480
communicate that to my partner. He has excellent boundaries, and

460
00:26:09.559 --> 00:26:12.279
so I'm not blaming him for things, which is what

461
00:26:12.319 --> 00:26:15.359
I was doing in my other relationships. So I'm not

462
00:26:15.640 --> 00:26:18.359
if only he would If I need something to change,

463
00:26:18.440 --> 00:26:21.400
then I need to articulate that instead of waiting around.

464
00:26:22.079 --> 00:26:26.160
So my victim mentality was if only thinking constantly blaming

465
00:26:26.200 --> 00:26:30.839
other people, complaining all the time. And so now I'm

466
00:26:30.920 --> 00:26:34.480
much more of a proactive person in my life than

467
00:26:34.519 --> 00:26:38.559
a reactive person, which is another way of saying, like

468
00:26:38.640 --> 00:26:41.720
I'm a creator rather than a victim of my life.

469
00:26:41.720 --> 00:26:44.359
But that was by far, And I have many episodes

470
00:26:44.400 --> 00:26:47.119
on my podcast about coming out of victim mentality because

471
00:26:47.200 --> 00:26:50.480
every time like another layer of that comes, I do

472
00:26:50.519 --> 00:26:52.680
an episode on it, so that you know, because it's

473
00:26:52.759 --> 00:26:54.880
so subtle, at least for me, it's very subtle.

474
00:26:55.400 --> 00:27:00.960
What a great way to wrap up this conversation as

475
00:27:01.000 --> 00:27:03.960
we are closing out, what would you like to leave

476
00:27:04.000 --> 00:27:07.079
our listeners with and how may they reach out to you?

477
00:27:08.119 --> 00:27:12.880
So I want to say, keep the focus on yourself

478
00:27:13.039 --> 00:27:15.440
so that means things like asking what do I want

479
00:27:15.440 --> 00:27:17.680
and need here? Instead of always what does everybody else need?

480
00:27:18.039 --> 00:27:22.160
Mind your own business, Do not give unsolicited advice. I

481
00:27:22.200 --> 00:27:24.039
was the queen of that. If you want to help people,

482
00:27:24.200 --> 00:27:28.400
please get their consent. Ask yourself, like, what's my part here?

483
00:27:28.440 --> 00:27:31.000
If you don't like a dynamic that you're involved in,

484
00:27:31.240 --> 00:27:34.680
like you're the common denominator and that's infhone imo, So

485
00:27:34.799 --> 00:27:37.759
what could you do differently? And then my favorite way

486
00:27:37.799 --> 00:27:41.480
of keeping the focus on yourself, Please take really good

487
00:27:41.640 --> 00:27:46.119
care of yourself, your physical body, your emotional body, your

488
00:27:46.160 --> 00:27:48.960
spiritual body. Please take really good care of yourself so

489
00:27:49.000 --> 00:27:51.880
that you can pour from the overflow. And then they

490
00:27:51.920 --> 00:27:56.079
can find me on my podcast. If they're on this podcast,

491
00:27:56.119 --> 00:27:57.920
they can just head on over to Fragment It a Whole.

492
00:27:57.960 --> 00:28:00.000
If they can go to Fragmented a Whole dot com.

493
00:28:00.559 --> 00:28:03.480
My favorite place to hang out on social media is Instagram.

494
00:28:03.359 --> 00:28:06.119
I'm at Higher Power Coaching. And then, as you mentioned,

495
00:28:06.480 --> 00:28:09.000
I have a free boundary building starter kit. It's called

496
00:28:09.079 --> 00:28:13.759
Accelerate My Boundaries and it's a fast track starter kit

497
00:28:14.000 --> 00:28:17.519
and it's at boundaries starterkit dot com.

498
00:28:17.960 --> 00:28:20.440
All of Barb's links are going to be live on

499
00:28:20.599 --> 00:28:25.359
Word of Mom Radio, get the resources as women. Let's

500
00:28:25.359 --> 00:28:30.480
face it, it is a continual thing to put ourselves lensed.

501
00:28:31.160 --> 00:28:35.359
And all I can say is you are the nucleus

502
00:28:35.599 --> 00:28:37.240
of your family and of.

503
00:28:37.160 --> 00:28:39.920
Your life and your life, of your life.

504
00:28:39.759 --> 00:28:44.000
And if you are not spinning on your access correctly,

505
00:28:44.160 --> 00:28:47.680
everything else is going to bounce off you. It's impossible.

506
00:28:48.119 --> 00:28:52.079
No matter how hard we try, we are not going

507
00:28:52.119 --> 00:28:55.319
to accomplish what we want to accomplish if we don't

508
00:28:55.400 --> 00:28:57.440
take care of ourselves first. We say it on this

509
00:28:57.519 --> 00:29:03.319
show all the time. Self love is not selfish, it

510
00:29:03.400 --> 00:29:07.839
is not It is self fulfilling. When you take care

511
00:29:07.920 --> 00:29:11.480
of you, you now have the power to take care

512
00:29:11.519 --> 00:29:14.519
of others. Can't take care of others carefully if you

513
00:29:14.559 --> 00:29:17.079
can't take care of herself first. It's like my mom

514
00:29:17.160 --> 00:29:19.480
always said, you have to be your own best friend

515
00:29:19.519 --> 00:29:21.440
to have friends. Yes, you don't know how to be

516
00:29:21.480 --> 00:29:24.319
a friend to yourself, how can you be a friend

517
00:29:24.319 --> 00:29:26.400
to others? And it's funny. I'm gonna leave you with

518
00:29:26.440 --> 00:29:28.599
this because I've had sitting with a friend one time

519
00:29:28.599 --> 00:29:31.000
who was beating herself up. I can't even tell you,

520
00:29:31.240 --> 00:29:32.799
and I just looked at her. I said how dare

521
00:29:32.839 --> 00:29:34.319
you talk about my friend like this?

522
00:29:35.240 --> 00:29:37.839
I've done this same like, don't talk to my friend

523
00:29:37.960 --> 00:29:38.920
like that exactly.

524
00:29:38.960 --> 00:29:41.759
And her daughter was sitting there she goes, yeah, stop

525
00:29:41.839 --> 00:29:45.960
saying that about my mom. She just looked at us

526
00:29:46.039 --> 00:29:48.559
and said, oh my gosh. I said, yeah, do you

527
00:29:48.799 --> 00:29:51.640
hear how you are talking to yourself?

528
00:29:51.880 --> 00:29:52.440
Yeah?

529
00:29:53.319 --> 00:29:56.480
He has shown if you talk nicely to a plant,

530
00:29:57.000 --> 00:30:01.680
it is going to grow. Imagine that to yourself. So

531
00:30:02.240 --> 00:30:06.839
you know, well yourself. You are so important. There is

532
00:30:07.160 --> 00:30:13.079
nobody like you. You bring value to this world. Proud

533
00:30:13.119 --> 00:30:16.799
of who you are, so barbed. Thank you so much, oh, thank.

534
00:30:16.599 --> 00:30:20.200
You, and thank you for your mission here. This is incredible.

535
00:30:20.400 --> 00:30:23.960
I love what you're doing and I'm so thrilled and

536
00:30:24.079 --> 00:30:26.960
honored to be invited as a guest. Thank you so much.

537
00:30:27.160 --> 00:30:29.559
Right back at you, because what you're doing with your

538
00:30:29.599 --> 00:30:33.920
podcast is really important. They appreciate it, so thank you,

539
00:30:34.039 --> 00:30:36.400
and for all of you tuning in, thanks so much

540
00:30:36.400 --> 00:30:38.880
for being here. We're going to close out with our

541
00:30:39.000 --> 00:30:42.960
fabulous theme song from Smith's Sisters and the Sunday Drivers.

542
00:30:43.240 --> 00:30:46.039
So till next time. This is Dori di Carlo saying,

543
00:30:46.039 --> 00:30:48.880
go out and create a marvelous you. Bye for now.

544
00:30:51.920 --> 00:30:54.400
She is sure, she is sure, she is strong, she

545
00:30:54.559 --> 00:31:00.640
is true, true, she is praise, pray, she is bold,

546
00:31:00.680 --> 00:31:05.319
she is you, she is she is, she is sure,

547
00:31:05.440 --> 00:31:07.880
she is sure. She is strong, she is strong, she

548
00:31:08.079 --> 00:31:13.359
is true, she is true, she is brave, she is bold,

549
00:31:13.400 --> 00:31:16.240
she is she is you, is you, she is you.

550
00:31:16.559 --> 00:31:19.839
She is sure of herself. Yeah, she takes care of

551
00:31:19.960 --> 00:31:23.240
his powerful and strong. Yes, she knows who she is,

552
00:31:23.599 --> 00:31:26.400
has integrity, woman, strong and true.

553
00:31:26.960 --> 00:31:28.000
You know her by name.

554
00:31:28.240 --> 00:31:32.160
See this woman is you. She is sure, she is strong,

555
00:31:32.480 --> 00:31:37.079
is strong, she is true, is true, she is braise,

556
00:31:37.759 --> 00:31:40.680
she is bold, she is she is you, she is you,

557
00:31:41.000 --> 00:31:45.640
she is she is sure, she is strong, is strong,

558
00:31:45.720 --> 00:31:51.279
she is true, is true, she is braive, she is bold,

559
00:31:51.359 --> 00:31:54.599
she is she is you, she is she is She

560
00:31:55.319 --> 00:31:58.680
adds value and hope. Has proved to be brave. See

561
00:31:58.720 --> 00:32:02.519
it's never too late, never time to behave reaching for

562
00:32:02.720 --> 00:32:07.240
dreams doesn't matter. The age believes in herself, unleashed from

563
00:32:07.279 --> 00:32:10.279
her cage. She is sure, she is sure, she is strong,

564
00:32:10.599 --> 00:32:15.200
is strong, she is true, is true, she is brave,

565
00:32:16.039 --> 00:32:20.160
she is she is you, she is she is, she

566
00:32:20.359 --> 00:32:23.960
is sure, she is true, she is strong, she is strong,

567
00:32:24.039 --> 00:32:29.200
she is true is true. She is brave, she is

568
00:32:29.720 --> 00:32:31.039
she is you.
Barb Nangle Profile Photo
Barb Nangle

Boundaries Coach

Barb Nangle is a boundaries coach, speaker and host of the podcast, "Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery." She offers a free Boundary-Building Starter Kit.
In 2015 at the age of 52, after decades of therapy and tons of self-help work in a variety of areas, Barb got into 12-step recovery. She’s been in two such fellowships since then and has changed deeply and profoundly as a result. As a former addict and people-pleasing rescuer, she empowers people to thrive and take more control over their personal and professional lives by coaching them to build healthy boundaries. She works with organizations in the helping professions, as well as women entrepreneurs to avoid burnout and reduce turnover. Her specialty is working with professional women who say yes when they really want to say no, and are so focused on others that they neglect themselves. She’s coached hundreds using her boundary-building system.