Andrea McGinty Joins Dori DeCarlo in The Authors Alley

0:00 She is sure, she is true, she is straw is straw, she is true, is true, she is praise, pray, she is she is you. Hello, everyone, welcome to today's Word of Mom Radio. Here on the Word of Mom Media Network. I'm your host, Dori Di Carlo, and you know we are here week after week, show after show, breaking those myths that morepreneurs and business women, especially those of us building our businesses from home, that we're just dabbling in between bake sales and getting our nails done. We're not. We are smart, we are savvy, and we are sharing the wisdom of women in business and in life. And I'm really very excited about bringing today's guests onto the show because I think this is a really cool subject. Andrew McGinty's latest book, Second Acts, Winning Strategies to Dating over Fifty is a hands on, tech savvy roadmap for finding love later in life.

1:00 Papped with actionable worksheets, QR coded video coaching, and practical advice. Second Acts empowers readers to navigate today's dating landscape with confidence. Unlike costly matchmaking services, this thirty five dollars guide provides affordable solutions to help readers rediscover connection and joy. Andrew is often called the godmother of matchmaking and has facilitated over thirty three thousand dates and ten thousand plus marriages. Her expertise makes her a trusted voice for second act daters seeking meaningful relationships. Like an NFL coaching tree, more than forty percent of today's top twenty five matchmakers trace their roots back to Andrea's pioneering techniques. Her influence has shaped the industry, creating a legacy that stands out in the world of matchmaking. And as somebody who later in life, I'm sixty four and been divorced since nineteen ninety four, I love this subject because it is important, especially for women, to realize it's never too late. So, with all that being said, Andrea, welcome to Word of Mom Radio.

2:18 Ah, thanks Jory, what an introduction. I'm excited to be here. It's always fun to hear things that you've done. It's like, oh, I did that. Isn't that cool? So I really take us on your journey that led you to doing what you are doing and then writing your newest book. Okay, So I never had any idea this was going to be my journey. I liked fixing up friends in high school. One actually got married and is still married. Two of my college roommates I fixed up and they're still married. So you know, I think I just had it in me, but then you know, I'm an accounting and finance major. Never ever used it because what ended up happening. I was living in Chicago and I was getting married in early twenties, and two days before the wedding, my fiance called it off. And so suddenly, and remember this is nineteen ninety, like we have dial up. There's no Google, there's no online dating. There's like an abyss.

3:21 There's nothing out there. And you know, once I got over the tears and like, you know, got myself back together, and friends would fix me up on days and I'm pretty tall, and you know, they'd send me out with these men that were like six or eight inches shorter than me, and I'd be like, oh, I feel like a giraffe. I feel like an elephant, you know which is I know it's most stupid, but you know, I thought there's got to be a better way. And then I was thinking about executive recruiters and how they work, you know, and I was thinking, wow, I wish there was an executive recruiter that was calling me, and instead of saying, Hey, I've got two professionals opportunities for you, I've got two men for you that I think you're really going to like, I would be like, oh, this is awesome. And so that's how I started my first company, which was called It's Just Lunch and it's still in existence today, and it started with a very simple premise of meeting people. It was matchmaking within a pool of people because again, no Internet, right, there's no match dot Com, there's no Google, there's nothing. And so my matchmaking career you started in nineteen ninety one with It's Just Lunch founding it, and we'll just fast forward through what happened It's Just Lunch. But fourteen years later we had one hundred and ten locations globally and we were all over the place, and I really kind of saw what was

4:53 coming up with online dating and how the world was changing, and it was a little bit ironic. At the same time. Time that week, I got two offers, what if from a private equity firm to sell the company and the other from match dot Com, And I thought, Wow, this timing is perfect because I'm thinking online is going to be the hottest way to meet people once it gets out of the chaos that it was in the beginning. And so I sold the company, all right, So I will admit I took a year off and traveled and you know, had just had fun and because I had worked my butt off, you know for all those years.

5:34 And so thirty three thousand dates actually started because that's how many dates at that time I had set up. Now it's probably like, I don't know, thirty nine thousand dates, but I can't keep changing the name, so that would be weird. So anyway, what ended up happening was a year out of it is just lunch, I get a call from one of my best friends who had just gotten too boor. He's a guy, and he's like, I'm doing online dating and it's awful. The women are awful. And I'm thinking, wait, he's a good looking guy, he's a CFO of a company, Like what's he doing wrong? And I'm like, give me your credentials, let me go in, let me log in, let me let me see what's going on. And I go in and I'm like, oh my god, this guy has the worst pictures posted, you know, like you know, how guys do those bathroom selfie photos online or you know, holding a fish or something. I mean, he was doing everything wrong and his bio was awful, and so I went and changed everything around, and a couple of weeks later he called it in because Andrea, I'm getting really good dates now. And I'm like, you're supposed to say thank you, Andrew, I'm getting really good dates now because you changed everything. And that's what started me off on this path with online, because I already liked online and by now it's twenty ten, and the mess was all in In like the late nineties and early two thousands, you know, you hear those horror stories about you know, scammers, like the Nigerian prints and all

7:06 all that kind of stuff, a lot of the dating sites were starting to get their act together, and by the time we hit twenty twenty, I mean there are there's over fourteen hundred dating sites out there over so in the US, I mean a ton a ton, and I tend to use Top twenty five and they've gotten so good at vetting as far as identity and other factors that you're not getting the scammers on the really good dating sites anymore. And so I think a lot of women are thinking, wow, this now, this is a way to you know, really meet people. But you said you're sixty four, right, yeah, so mind And so you know, when I was starting itst just lunch. It was twenties thirties.

7:55 That was the age group I was working with. Then another part of my story is I was married for twenty four years and about six years ago I got divorced and it was pretty amicable, thank god. But anyway, so me myself and I you know, I'm thinking, am I ready to date? No, my my youngest daughters told me or she's a teenager. I'm like, no, way, might bringing you know, men around. And so anyway, there was one day that I just was ready and she was going off to college, and I thought, this is the right time for me to me myself, you know, to jump in to the dating pool. And I had been living I think through you know, my client's experiences and you know, people getting married, and I even went to a couple of the weddings. Even though I do this nationally all over the country, you know, some people get married in California, where I was living at the time. Now, I'm on the East Coast, and so you know, I started with online dating, and I really, you know, myself, jumped in and my first week I went on five first dates. And that was stupid. Anyone listening, that's really stupid five first dates in your first week because you can't keep anything straight. You can't remember like what he said to somebody, or what story you told or you know whatever. But what I got out of it, and

9:27 I do have a lot of confidence. It brought all my confidence back in terms of, oh, wow, I can still date, I'm still interesting, I'm still fun. You know. A couple of them asked me out for second dates, a couple of them turned into third dates, and I was like, oh, this is pretty cool. And then on my sixth date, I met my husband and I got remarried. And I was the one who was saying I would never ever ever get married again. And so, you know what, people come to me and they say I'm too old. I'm fifty six or I'm sixty three. I'm like, no, you're not too old. It's second act. You know, you got married in your twenties. You know, you never thought thirty years later, forty years later, you'd be like, oh, I have to date again, and then the world's exploded and it's so different than what we had. You know, when we were dating it was like people from college or you know, our first job meeting people that way, or we still thought the bars were fun. And the whole world has changed and people like you can get over being sixty. It's not like when our grandparents were sixty, right.

10:44 It's a huge, huge difference, And it's all about attitude. It's all about attitude. I almost know when I take on new clients whether or not they're going to be successful or not by like the second coaching call, because it's their attitude. You know, if you think you're going to meet somebody and you come into this pretty happily, you know, like, are a little bit excited, you know, maybe nervous, especially if you were married a long time or you're widowed maybe or got out of a long relationship, you're gonna be a little bit nervous too. But if you're a little bit excited and you have a positive attitude, people meet people. Those are the people that meet people. The people that are listening to their single girlfriends, they're not meeting people, and they're getting negative energy. You probably have questions, and I've gone on and on.

11:34 It's crazy, though, because it is, you know you certain people the way they I have that I joke that I'm seventeen in my soul, and I really am so any relationship I've had, and I haven't had a lot of them because I find men very attractive, I'm just rarely attracted to somebody and I've never had any interest of dating. Just to date. I'm happy with my own company. I have zero doing anything in everything by myself, including traveling the world. I just has never phased me. But there's something really lovely when you meet somebody and have that great chemistry, and I don't fear it, and I feel like a lot of times that's the big issue.

12:19 People are so afraid to just open up and let somebody in again, because it's not like when you're twenty and life is full of possibilities and everything else you had fifty sixty years old. Life has shown you what life can really be, and you, sadly a lot of times, drag that into a budding relationship and all of a sudden things that other people did to you, you're taken out on somebody who it's not their fault, they didn't do it. How do you stop that from happening? Andrea, Well, you. Know, all of that really just goes back to attitude.

13:00 I mean, at this point in our life, you know what's good about it, We're a lot wiser. We know what we want, we know what we don't want. Right. Some people call it baggage. I call it like we've got life experience. So we're so much smarter than our twenty year old self, right, So we can spot things in other people very very quickly, you know, whether we're online dating or whatever we're doing. We're playing pickleball and you meet somebody, whatever you're doing however you're meeting people. But it's we're just so much wiser, is the bottom line. And sometimes people come to me and they say, you know, I don't really I'm not sure what I want, but I know what I don't want because I had it, you know, in my last marriage or my last relationship or something. So you know, we can kind of pinpoint those types of things.

13:52 I'm going to stop right now. Let's take a break and say thank you to our sponsors, because I want our conversation to just continue on so we'll be back here in just a moment on Word of Mom Radio. She is brave, she is bold, She is you, and we want to tell your story. Are you ready to share your journey with us on Word of Mom Radio? Go to wordomomradio dot com and register as a guest. We want to tell your story, because when you win, we all win. In twenty seventeen, Unsilenced Voices was formed to help survivors of domestic abuse and gender based violence worldwide. The organization currently serves Siri Leone, Rwanda, Ghana, and the USA. In twenty twenty two, Unsilenced Voices gifted over thirty three thousand dollars to survivors in the USA and in Siri Leone, there are over twenty six young girls who have been rescued from sex trafficking and domestic abuse and now going through vocational trainings school in order to better their lives.

15:02 We need your help. Donations are critical in order for us to continue our work. We also need volunteers to help with research and development. Please visit Unsilenced Voices dot org for more information. And we're back here on Word of Mom Radio. We are talking with Andrea McGuinty about her newest book, Second Acts, Winning Strategies to Dating over fifty, her website thirty three thousand dates dot com, and the difference of dating in your twenties than in your fifties and sixties. And I agree with you. Attitude is everything.

15:46 It really is. Two of my favorite quotes the Little Red Engine, I think I can, I think I can, I thought I could. I thought I could. And Henry Ford, whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right, yep, two of my favorite. So it really is. Your attitude is everything. So with you, Andrew and the people that you're working with right now and stuff like that, let's talk about online dating. What works and what should people look out for? Okay, well what works with online dating? Number one? You have to be ready, so your mindset has to be there. And when when I wrote my new book, one thing that I really wanted to do for people that you know couldn't maybe afford my coaching or you know, couldn't reach out to me is have worksheets that people actually take them from like A to Z from where's my head at to the last worksheet in the book, which is you're writing a personal business plan for your love life, which people are like, what, I'm writing business plan for my love life, you know ew, and I'm like, no, no, no, this works. So the first one though, where's your head at?

16:59 That's the that's the number one thing. It asks ten questions about what your attitude is, like, how you're feeling, and you're going to know by the time you finish this one worksheet my book, and there's also QR code. So I'm talking as you're, you know, filling this out and trying to give you some tips on it. But you're going to know whether or not you're ready to date or not. It might be a big no, and you might you know, say, wake up six months later and you are ready, or it might be a big yes. So you've got to be ready. You've got to just be ready to open yourself up to other people. Okay, So that's the first thing. The second thing is you can't be listening to what other people say, or maybe what the media is saying. Because the media likes salation stories, you know, they like you know, they want to tell you the bad things that happen, you know, with online, and there's so many you know, good things that happen with online dating. So those friends and those married friends don't take advice from them. They have no idea what they're talking about. You know, they've been married twenty thirty forty years. They don't know what it's like to be single at age fifty eight or sixty and you know what you're going through. And then the third thing I would say is you've got to make sure and I talk about this too in the book, you're on the right dating site because what I said earlier, you know

18:30 over one thousand dating platforms and sites out there. You get on the wrong one. After a week, you are discouraged and you're like done. Online dating didn't work for me. I'm done. So you've got it. And the right site differs by part of the country too. I have a brand new client. She's from Dallas, and when we first started talking and working together, she was on Coffee Meat Spagel, a dating app, and I'm like, why are you on Coffee Meat Spagel. I was just curious, and she goes, oh, my best friend in New York met her boyfriend. I'm like, oh, that makes sense because in New York, LA and Miami, Coffee Meat Spagel is super strong Dallas. Nobody even has heard of it. There's nobody on that site, you know.

19:21 So you've got to really be careful with what site you're picking. And then the next thing that is is a non negotiable with online it's visual. Yeah, we've got to have good bios and profiles, yes, but the number one thing is we have to have fantastic photos. And fantastic photos doesn't mean fake photos or super edited or filtered photos or you're throwing now AI. I see people throwing them into AI. When I'm working with clients online, I'm like, oh my gosh, some of these people look like cartoons, you know, by the time they get the done with this. So I recommend a lot of times with my clients that they do a two hour photo session with a professional photographer. And there's people that just do these for your dating app, for the dating apps, and so it's not like this LinkedIn photo or this photo of you with like a swirly background behind you, but they're actually you know, coming out to where you are and they're you know, taking a picture of you walking your dog. They're getting a snapshot of you holding a golf club or you love to cook, you're in the kitchen cooking. You've got to have action shots and they've got and you've got to look good too, And you do want one headshot that you were your smiling.

20:44 You want another shot where you're with friends, so it's saying, oh, I have friends and I'm social. And then you always want to have a full body shot too so people can see what you know, what you look like. And you want to make sure these photos are current within the last year to eighteen months. So that's one of the most important things with online dating. It's your photo. It's amazing. I'm laughing because the handful of dates that you know throughout the years, the first thing they always say to me, Wow, you look just like your photos, or very prettier than your photos. And I'm looking at somebody who put up a photo that's fifteen years old, when they still at hair, when they still at teeth.

21:31 You know, this was the and I never you know, I truly believe that I can't be the only honest person out there. So you've got to go through the frogs till you find the prince. So how do you help somebody who's been out of the dating seed for decades, Andrea, don't you make them feel empowered to start all over again in a foray that they have never got to deal with? Right? You know what they've the number one thing they need is self confidence. And like I said earlier, they probably have a lot of self confidence in their personal life and their professional life, but their dating life, they haven't done it. You know, they're they're scared. So how do I work with them? So how I start with my clients.

22:20 It's just with you know, a zoom call getting to know them. But after that, I pretty much do everything. Write their profile, make sure they've got the right PHO photographer, We've gotten great photos, and I populate the dating sites. So the dating site is pretty much you know, it looks. It looks fantastic when a man gets on there. And I write for men too. When I'm writing a profile for a woman, it's very bullet pointed and it's short because men don't read. They just don't read. Bullet point your stuff to like six bullet points. Let the photos sell that you have a dog, that you play golf, that you like to cook, that you like to read. You know, a cute picture of you snuggled up on your sofa reading a book. You know that gets a cute photo too. Okay, So then what happens is we get into it. I choose the site, and when I help them choose the site, it's fifty percent of my gut from doing this forever. Other fifty percent, though, is very strategic. How I help them. I use research, So I use three top research companies that I pay for the research, and what I'm able to do they're like Pew and Gallop and those type of research centers. What I'm able to do then is pinpoint their area of the country, look at individual dating sites and see, you know, what's the balance of men to women, women to men.

23:45 Obviously we're women. We don't want to be on a site that's eighty percent women. We want to be on a site that's seventy or eighty percent mail. And there are those sites out there, and then you take into other things like you know, how financially stable you are, and education and all those kind of things. So I'm pinpointing that so that we're on the we are on the right side. The next thing is how I help the miss with the messaging, because that's one of my favorite things. To do because a lot of people just get online, they've got everything up there, and then they just sit there and they just sit there and they sit there and they just wait, and I'm like, what are you waiting for. You've got to reach out. You've got to reach out. And it doesn't mean a heart or a wink or a smile. It means a message, and not a long message, not a novel about your life.

24:35 We don't want to hear all about your ex husband. We don't want to hear that. We just want, you know, you to reach out and say something unique and say something that says you looked at me, you looked at my profile, and like three sentences and you know, to basically reach out to the person. So when I'm working with clients, we're both on the phone together. So this is really funny. They're brand new the message thing. They want to say things like, hey, how are you. I just got back from Montana. Any vacations planned this year? You know, it's boring, it's vanilla, it's boring. And you know, I'll write the message and I'll type it into and I'll read it to them before I hit send, and they're like, oh, we're sending that to somebody, I'm like, you bet we are. We've got to be a little quirky.

25:24 And quirky doesn't mean weird. Quirky is just like, you know, standing out from the crowd, and you've got to stand out from the crowd. And women you know that are listening to this. I'm sure if you've been online you get these really stupid messages from men like, hey, beautiful, how are you are happy Monday? Generic? You put no thought whatsoever into this. Okay, back to your original question. Now that I've kind of told you what I do, how do I help them? The biggest thing I do after we've gone through that process I just talked about is the first two weeks are crucial because I want them to go out on four dates, two dates each week with different men, because I want them to see that they're going to meet normal people and all of a sudden, a they're not scared that, you know, somebody's going to show up. That's totally bizarre. That they can have a nice conversation. Maybe they had chemistry, maybe they didn't.

26:20 That's okay, they had a fun conversation. I had one woman last week who went out on her fourth first date, and she said, you know, he was really my type. He was plastic surgeon and he'd like to talk. So she said, I just decided to shut up and just listen to him talk. And I asked him about like top skin creams and for Abrinco creams. She goes, I got so much information for me and my friends about you know stuff. It was like this reconsultation over lunch. You know, so, is every date going to be You're gonna fall in love? No, of course not. But sixty five percent of my clients up in long term relationships.

27:01 And what does that look like anything? It looks like it could be just monogamous relationship. They don't live together, they see each other a couple times a week, they travel together, they do the theater and movies. It could be they live together. It could be they get married, and I see, I see it. Really it's almost like one third, one third, one third what people end up doing because it's not like we're gonna have kids right now right and a lot of the things that were important to us when we were twenty five, Like some of my Jewish clients, they're hysterical, my Jewish female clients, so like, Hey, I had family pressure to marry a Jewish man when I was twenty five. Hey, we've got the Jewish kids, We've did the barmtsvas, we are all set. Give me a waspy guide this time around. You know, you know, they just don't care anymore. There's so much more open because there's not we're not young, and we're not getting you know, that kind of pressure that we did, you know, at a certain age. And you know, and I didn't just want to pick up a Jewish. It could be you know, a family that's staunchly Christian or Catholic or whatever and they want you to marry the same faith or the same ethnicity. It so much has changed. So the thing that I do most for my clients is give them self confidence in dating, and then that's what leads to relationships.

28:30 You know, I'm going to say from experience on my end, because I've been trying this on and off for twenty years, I have I'm going to say eight guys that I met throughout my online dating experiences. We didn't have that relationship chemistry, but the friendship chemistry that I am still friends with who I travel to Washington, DC and I message one, you know that I'm coming down and we'll go out to dinner and this and that. So I have made some really good friends because I can't have too many friends. I really can't. And you know, you meet somebody, you don't know what's gonna happen. You gotta take it day by day. And especially at this point in my life, I'm happy to just enjoy my life.

29:14 It's lovely to have somebody with me. And where it's gonna go not a clue. But I'm not twenty where I'm worried thinking about getting married and having babies and all of that. It's now more about that companionship, friendship, you know, all of the different things that being able to be in a relationship is. And then for some people they don't need that, you know. So it's the attitude. Attitude is everything. And you know what if my mama always said it, you know, if you're not your own best friend, you can't be friends with somebody else. If you don't like your own company, who's gonna like being around you? So it is it's that confidence. It's the attitude.

29:57 So as we wrap this up, Andrea, you want to leave our listeners with and how may they reach out to you? The best way to reach out to me is on my dating site, and this is what I would say. Okay, it's thirty three thousand dates dot com three three zero zero zero dates dot com and the best thing to do on my site. You can look around. But this is fun. Take the dating quiz that's on there, because it's going to compare you to sixty five hundred other of my clients that met with success. And they're fun questions and you'll get a score back, and I actually score people, and I'll tell you what you're doing right, I'll tell you what you're doing wrong, and I'll be very direct. You know, I'm trying to help you. So that's one way you can get a hold of me.

30:40 And then you can also, you know, schedule a fifteen minute consult with me too to see, you know, if we fit and if I can help you in terms of you know, coaching and working one on one together. The other thing is, okay, here's my baby, my book Second Acts, Winning Strategies for Dating over fifty. Okay, so this is what I like about it. There's lots of worksheets in here, so it's not like I wrote the book because I wanted to have a book. I wrote the book because I wanted to help people go through the entire process of dating in our second act. I love that there's worksheets in there and it's not like a lot of psychobabble. There's one hundred and sixty six strategies in the book on how to meet people, how to date, what to do, and I think it just puts people on the right path and you can get it, get it pretty much anywhere. The book has been a best seller of the show, which is really exciting. I would buy it on Amazon. You saved the best prices, so again, Second act winning strategies for dating Meet Andrew Ginti.

31:40 That's another way too. All of Andrea's links are going to be live on wordomomradio dot com. Reach out if you are re entering the dating scene and everything, gain that confidence you can do it. And you know what I'm going to say it right now, you look great. Just remember that you look great. You've got so much to give and let yourself have it. Andrea, thank you so much. We're taking the time to come and share all this work that you have been doing. Really and I have to tell you. I had heard it's just lunch because while you were starting that, I was dating somebody who lived in Illinois, and I used to fly back and forth to Illinois every month. It's kind of funny. Yeah, that is fun.

32:23 It is it is so, you know what, Kudos to you and all of the people whose lives you have made a difference in, and I appreciate you taking the time to come and share your journey with us here on Wordemom Radio. Andrea, thank you, oh thanks. This was so much fun. I really enjoyed it. And for all of you listening, thanks so much for being here. We're going to close out with our fabulous theme song from Smith's Sisters and the Sunday Drivers. So till next time, this is Dori di Carlo saying, go out and create a marvelous you. Bye for now. She is sure, she is sure, she is strong, she is strong, she is true, is true, she is braise, she is bold, she is you. She is she is sure, she is she is strong, is strong, she is true, is true, she is braised, she is bold, she she is you. She is sure of herself. Yeah, she takes care of his powerful and strong. Yes, she knows who she is has integrity, woman, strong and true. You know her by name.

33:35 See this woman is you. She is sure, she is strong, is strong, she is true, is true, she is brave, she is bold, she is you, she is, she is, she is sure, she is strong, is strong, she is true, is true, she is braid, she is, she is, she is, she is, she is adds value and hope. Has proved to be brave. See it's never too late, never time to behave reaching for dreams doesn't matter. The age believes in herself, unleashed from her cage. She is sure, she is sure, she is strong, is strong, she is true, is true, she is brave, is brave, she is bold, she is you, she is, she is, she is sure, she is, she is strong, she is strong, she is true, is true, she is brave, is Brave, she is she is you.